When Friendships Become Toxic

Welcome, friends, to another rant where I try to give readers advice on things that I've learned the hard way. Don't you fret! This won't be a pity party. I've come to terms with the friendship I lost and I'm a-okay, pal. So, without further introduction, let's hop right in.

The first thing that I feel is rather important to convey through this coherent rambling is what is meant by a "toxic" friend or friendship. I'm not talking about a good buddy who has some bad habits. Like it or not, we've all got some of those. Today, we are talking about friends who manipulate, limit, and belittle you.

Call your friend Criss Angel because manipulation is their greatest magic trick. Like magicians, toxic friends have a facade. They distract you—charm you, even. While you watch the magic in front of your eyes, they've got another trick up their sleeve. These types of people are incredibly adept at making you think that they are there for you, that they care for you, that they are your friend. In reality, you are nothing but a tool to them. A magic wand, perhaps. They will manipulate you to get what they need and that's the end of it. When you call them out or do something that they don't like, beware. You will get mindfreaked. After this type of encounter, you will usually leave the conversation or interaction feeling guilty. They will manipulate your emotions so that you are always left feeling like a bad friend. It's your fault when something goes wrong and you are going to be punished for it. What you thought was a friendship was nothing more than a twisted business contract.

Sorry, Lindsay Lohan, but the limit does exist. Bad buddies will put a limit on what you can and can't do. Are you hanging out with other friends? Doing something they don't like? Trying new things? Unless you are itching to be emotionally punished, you can't do that. Like I said, your toxic friend is a master manipulator and will make you feel like you've done something wrong. If you are deep in their web, you'll be so concerned about losing this friend that you will limit yourself, too.

Surprise! Your toxic friend is insecure. Their insecurity is a probable cause for many of their actions. Certainly it is the reason for why they constantly belittle or embarrass you. Be cautious, my friend. What you tell them about yourself will be used against you. Maybe you divulge your silly fear of crickets and they put one down your shirt in front of the football team. Tell them a funny anecdote about yourself? Well they might just twist your words and tell everyone this super embarrassing story about you. Whatever the scenario is, your toxic BFF will tear you down every chance they get. When they aren't knocking you down a peg, they are staring down at you. Condescension is their favorite pastime. They love to make you feel stupid because it makes them feel better.

Time to take out the trash! Once you realise that you are waist deep in platonic garbage, get the heck out of there! It might be hard to shake loose a toxic friend, but in the end you'll be so much better for it. They've controlled you for this long, but you need to take the wheel. If you are worried about breaking things off, take it slow. Begin to distance yourself from this person. If you start to feel differently about them (maybe realizing there is a misunderstanding), ease yourself back in. If it turns out you were right, and they were a gross friend, hooray! You're finally free!

The Moral of My Cautionary Rant

I don't want you to be paranoid. Chances are if you have any toxic friends, they are small in number. Don't investigate all of your pals because you may end up distancing yourself from true friends. However, if you are feeling constantly hurt and mistreated by someone, look a little closer. These are the friends you need to look out for. Friends are an important part of your life; make sure you surround yourself with ones that make you a better and happier you!