When Friendship Turns To Love

I always have had a hard time with friendships. Struggling with my mental health always caused me to have a hard time with limits and boundaries until I learned more about them. I was constantly feeling lonely. I never felt understood and not many people took the time to try and understand me.

I work for a catering company as a lead server. My coworkers quickly became family as I was growing up with them. I was only twenty when I met them and I always felt like I could be myself. Adeline and I met in high school but I didn’t start to get to know her until she started to work for the company I work for. Now, I was in a relationship when I started to get to know Addy. It also was a heterosexual relationship. While I knew I was gay I never had the courage to come out. My plan was to start a family and forget about being gay. I wasn’t strong enough for that. I had lived with privilege all my life, I wasn’t ready to give that up.

One night in May, Addy and I went out for drinks. I remember thinking about how gorgeous she was while she sat across from me in the restaurant. I remember never wanting the night to be over, there was something different about her. She was kind, she wasn’t judgmental. I could have talk to her for hours. We began our first tradition, every night after we got out of work we would drive for hours. It didn’t matter where we were going, most of the time we didn’t go anywhere at all. We just drove and talked about everything and anything. I remember strolling home at 3am because we always had so much to say.

Ever since that first night we haven’t gone one day without talking. I slowly got to know her in ways I never thought I would. She continued to surprise me with quirks. Quirks I hope never fade away as we get older. I was falling in love, and I was falling hard. The next month I starting to go through life changing events. I began to become depressed and my bipolar disorder was really starting to flare up. She stuck by me. She told me she would never leave, and she was the first to stick by her word on that. I don’t trust people very well but with her it was different and even though we hadn’t been friends long I was trusting her with things the old me would keep to myself for a lifetime.

Months went by and we grew closer and closer. In fact, a few people even joked about us being gay (which is totally uncool if someone is still in the closet). She stood by my side while I planned a wedding to someone I loved but wasn’t in love with. She helped me pick the dress, the colors and everything in-between. Little did she know that I wanted her to give me a reason not to plan these things but the thought of telling her how I felt made me sick. What if she rejected me? At this point I was willing to live with this secret as long as it meant I would have her as a friend for a lifetime.

I continued to struggle, I woke up every day feeling numb. I put on a smile for work, family and friends but with her I didn’t need to mask anything. Her smile would warm my heart enough to get me to function throughout the day. I started to notice all the memories we were creating. She is adventurous. Something I was not, but was willing to be if it meant growing with her. She taught me to live my life in a way that when I looked back I wouldn’t regret a thing. She taught me to live freely and open and for that I owe her so much more than she understands. She showed me the beauty of a rainy day.

It was a cold day in January. Addy and I were going to a bridal expo to help me plan the rest of my wedding. By this point, she was the only person I ever wanted around. She put a smile on her face as we took business cards from vendors and taste tested every cake we could find. As I think back to this day I can’t help but applaud her strength by putting on a smile and helping me with all these wedding details. All I wanted was to pick out these things for our own wedding, but I was still afraid.

Late that night we pulled into the Ocean State parking lot. I can’t remember why but we just sat in the car talking about things as we never sat in silence. That’s when it all changed. She looked at me, tears were swelling up in her eyes. She told me I couldn’t get married. Knowing how I felt, I continuously asked “Why? Why can’t I get married?”. I was crossing my fingers that this was it, maybe she felt the same way. She looked at me and said “ You can’t get married because I am in love with you". My stomach still drops thinking about this moment. I felt myself getting emotional, I paused but looked at her and said “I have been in love with you for a long time". There were so many roadblocks ahead for us to be together, but I was willing to jump through thousands of hoops just to be with her. That night, I proposed to her and without hesitation she said yes. I could have cared less about what people would say, this was everything I could ever dream of having.

Three weeks later we were at Boston City Hall. It was crazy but that’s who we were as a couple. We were spontaneous, we didn’t think much about anything we did. We just went with our gut. We wore matching pink overalls and exchanged $30 rings, this is how I knew I was in love. I didn’t need the big wedding that I had been planning for almost a year. I didn’t need the dress or the diamond ring. All I needed was her. She looked at me with her stunning smile and light brown eyes while we said “I do”. My life had changed so much since I met her, so much for the better. She completed me, and continues to complete me each and every day.

We didn’t listen to a word of advice that people gave us trying to stop us from getting married. I called off my other wedding but instead the embarrassment I thought I would feel, it was relief. I am so glad we didn’t. Almost three years later my wife and I have begun building a family and each and every day I wake up next to her I still have that feeling I did when that first time she said she was in love with me.

I love you Adeline, thank you for teaching me to be brave and spontaneous. Every obstacle we’ve faced has been worth it as long as I have you.