What Will the First Day in Heaven Be Like?

Six thousand, seven hundred and seventy-five people die each day in the United States.

Most of them will probably go to heaven if you believe in the heaven and hell concept.

Some others — not so lucky.

But as I get older, I wonder about that life after death deal. How exactly would that work?

Wandering around for all eternity in a suit and tie is probably as uncomfortable as one might think.

I subscribe to the Boy Scout motto, “Be Prepared.” Wear sweats and a tank top under the suit just in case.

What Will the First Day in Heaven Be Like?

Are there really pearly gates? More than one gate? I’m guessing over thousands of years they have the processing of new residents down pretty tight.

I’m going to presume there’s a US gate that looks something like a Mexican border crossing without the razor wire.

Would I be standing there with the other six thousand or so? I guess they wouldn’t all be there at the same time.

They would die at different times of the day. So, let’s do the math.

Twenty-four hours in the day divided into 6,775 would be and average of 283 people each hour rounding it upward.

It would probably look like an America’s Got Talent audition. Some in tuxedos others must have died in Walmart.

I guess there’d be a serpentine line like at Disneyland or the airport. Metal detectors? Probably not.

OK, I’m In the Gate

In the army we lined up for uniforms and weapons. I wonder if heaven will be the same way — without the weapons I suppose.

I guess you’d get the white robes and wings. Or do you have to wait for a bell to ring to get your wings? Would I be an angel first class?

Is there an orientation on how to get around the place? Will there be snacks? Is there housing or just hanging around on clouds all day?

I guess if there are movies, they’ll be G rated. But I could get to see “Who’s on First” live.

Will I meet my dead relatives right away like a big reunion or just the main characters first?

Will all my dead pets be there? Will I have to have plastic bags on hand? Not that miserable cat, I hope. I still have scars. Or will those go away in heaven?

I wonder how they do announcements. I mean there must be a few billion people there.

“Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John will be doing a free reading at 2pm on Cloud Nine. Please bring blankets or your own chairs.”

Will there be Grateful Dead concerts? Any chance I can meet Elvis?

Is there a sales tax? Can I get the flashy car I always wanted?

Is there a caste system? Do the goodie-goodies get all the good stuff? Would I be expected to grow a beard?

Are the streets really paved with gold? If that’s the case, I guess I wouldn’t have to take it with me.

What Kind of Job Would I Have?

Would anything need to be fixed or repaired in Heaven? Seems like everything would be perfect.

Probably no sewage backups or power drops. There’s probably no dust or dirt in Heaven so not much to clean.

Will people drop McDonalds wrappers or cigarette buts all over the clouds? Will there be a KP detail?

Would I be a cook or does food just appear? Or would you even need food?

Some Final Thoughts

So much to think about and so little time. I’m sure by the time I get there they’ll have all the bugs worked out and it’ll be a smooth transition.

Even though Christmas is over there’s still that naughty and nice concept and you might want to pay a little more attention to the nice part.

It might get you closer to the front of the line. You definitely don’t want to be behind the Walmart people.

What do you think your first day in heaven will be like?

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