What To Do If You Fall In Love With Someone Else While You Are In A Relationship?

You have been in a stable relationship for some time. There have been good, bad, routine and special moments. Maybe there are children in the family. Hundreds of pictures and plans ahead. You feel a serene and calm stability.

The passion within the couple is not the same as at the beginning, but the sexual encounters are satisfying. Everything is fine. There are things, details, that you would like to change, but you can say without a shadow of a doubt that you are in a good relationship.

Then, out of nowhere, this other person appears. You weren't looking for him, he appears in your life in the most casual way and you can't get him out of your mind.

At first it's nothing more than the private pleasure of a fantasy, a moment of daydreaming. A "... what if...". Then it becomes a recurring thought that turns into desire.

You look for those strategic moments to meet casually. If it's someone from the office, you pass by several times. Or that stranger on the train. Or maybe the decorator renovating your living room.

It's all in the air but you think more and more about that person. Until you realize that the same thing is happening on the other side, you see clear and unmistakable signs. The other person is looking for you as much as you are looking for him.

It is the moment of pleasure and the happiness of being repaid, nothing else matters but the adrenaline rush that rejuvenates your whole being. And, soon after, the guilt and fear of your partner finding out.

Fear that turns into panic when the extramarital relationship goes beyond the platonic boundaries and becomes a real, physical relationship.

Anguish when the physical and purely sexual relationship is not just that.

There comes a point when you realize that you love this new person and are loved in the same way. Impossible to lead a double life and be happy.

Your partner trusts you and you don't want to let her down any more than you already have without her even realizing it. What to do?

The crossroads

It's no longer a game or pure flirtation. The deep feelings of three people are at stake. You begin to weigh, to imagine your life on one side or the other.

To fear and desire the changes, to long for your life so far even before you lose it and, at the same time, to want to get out of that life and start a new one with the other person.

What to do?

1. Analyze very well if you really feel a deep love for the person who has arrived last in your life. Is it love? Is it passion? Is it simply "fresh air"?
2. Analyze very deeply how you feel about your current partner. The factors that may have led you to fixate and fall in love with another person. If necessary, write down those things you like and dislike about the other person and to what extent they affect you.
3. Analyze and spend as much time as you need weighing the pros and cons of changing your relationship. The collateral damage, the economic and social details.
4. Above all, analyze how you feel. If it is true love, the next step will be difficult, but also inevitable. You will have to tell your partner that your feelings have changed and you do not want to deceive and betray what you have lived up to that moment.

Why it's okay to fall in love with someone else?

It's okay because it's inevitable. No one decides who to fall in love with or when to fall in love.

No one knows if they are truly in love until it happens to them. You can be used to a relationship, attached to or loving another person and suddenly discover the intensity of another kind of love when you've been married for two decades.

It's true that if a third person enters the picture it's because the original partner has cracks, even if you didn't realize it.

But, once you discover a new feeling strong enough to gamble on it... don't hesitate.

Be honest with each other and move forward in life. It's too short for any of the three of you to let it go by without living it.