What Might Have Been

Before she closes her eyes at night, her last thought is of him. Then when she wakes in the morning, her first thought is of him. He makes her smile like no one else has ever done. Just hearing his name gives her butterflies. When they are not together she yearns for him. Yet she knows that time apart is a good thing because it makes the next time they are together more amazing.

As her grandmother always told her, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." She used to think that it was just an old saying, but now.... now she understands what her grandmother meant.

If only she knew exactly how her felt about her. Unfortunately, she will have toi be patient and wait for him to be ready to tell her. It's not easy, but it's worth it. For him, she would wait forever.

In just a short amount of time, he had brought the magic back into her spirit. He had breathed life back into her dying soul. Everyday he showed her more and more of the beauty of life. He had taught her that just because life isn't going right at that moment, giving up wasn't an option.

He showed her a beauty within herself that she had never known. He brought her out of her shell and broke down her walls. He inspired her to be herself, to show her passion and not hide it. No matter how crazy, random, dorky, or straight goofy she was, he would accept her.

She loves making him smile and loves seeing how much he enjoys her being her. The way he smiles, the twinkle in his eyes when he laughs. The way he can make her laugh.

They can talk about anything and everything, without worry or judgement, and with understanding. Even in their lowest points, they know that they can turn to each other. They both have been broken by the people they loved. Both have walked through hell. Though both have been broken differently, they understand each other. She accepts him completely, and she hopes that he accepts her too. She thinks he does, but one can never be to sure.

She knew that no matter what she would always be there for him. She would do everything in her power to make him happy. She wonders if he knows how much she truly loves him, and if he knows how far she would go just to make him happy. She loves to see him smile. The way that his eyes light up lets her know that she is doing something right. If only she could keep him that way all the time.

That is a harder task than one may think. She can't give him what is missing, though she wishes she could. Soon, she hopes the pieces will come together. Until then, she will do her best to put a smile on his face and a little happiness into his days as best she can.

He has asked her many times why him. But, that is a question that she would never be able to answer. There are many things that attract her to him. His eyes. His smile. The sound of his voice. His openness to her. The way that he can make her smile. The pull that she feels towards him. Like her spirit is somehow connected to his. Like magnets.

When she saw him standing there, against the wall, she had butterflies. Her heart soared when he looked at her. She's sure that she blushed, but she became even more attracted to him with that look. And then he smiled at her, making her melt. No one had ever made her react that way.

Going home that night, she couldn't help but think of him. She looked forward to the next afternoon, when she would see him again, if only for a moment. Though she knew that she was stupid for feeling the way that she did.

Who would have thought that they would end up being friends and each others shoulders through hard times.... Who knew that they would become lovers and dream of a future together.... All for it to fall apart and leave, at least her, shattered in a million pieces....

She misses him every minute of the day, despite the years gone by. She still loves him as much as before, though she would never admit it. There are days when the yearning and memories are so overwhelming it hurts.

Maybe, one day it will be different.

There are still days that something reminds her of him, of them. Will it ever go away ? She doubts it. And she wonder's if he ever misses her.