What Keeps You From Healing Your Broken Heart?

“We hurt so much because we have lost a part of ourselves. If we have loved much, we must have given much also, and when everything’s over, we feel as though we have lost everything.” — Mend My Broken Heart

The pain of a broken heart is oftentimes beyond what words could ever tell. We may try to deny it or to forget it. But somehow, it never seems to go away. It reminds us of all the years we’ve spent trying to make a relationship work. It brings to mind the happiest times we’ve ever had only to plunge us to the deepest grief later on.

How could we ever heal a broken heart? Why couldn’t we move on?

Here are just some of the things that may keep you from healing your broken heart:

1. Thoughts of blame

After a relationship gets broken, you deal with the tempting thought of blaming something or someone. Why didn’t the relationship work? Who was the one at fault?

You then blame yourself for everything you thought you could have done. You blame yourself for being jealous all the time or for not spending quality time with the one you love.

In a way, you punish yourself and you stand in the way of your own healing.

We blame ourselves. Looking back, however, haven’t we already done the best we could?

2. Thoughts of revenge

It may also be the other way around. You could feel that your partner has done you wrong. The one you loved has made you believe that he or she loves you only to betray you in the end.

You can’t help but think of all those times your partner has hurt you, whether verbally or physically. You see the damage he or she has done and you want some justice for everything you have suffered because of the relationship.

Forgiveness is no longer expecting healing from the same person who caused you pain.

3. Believing that your partner is the one

You may still believe that your partner is the one for you. You can’t see any other future without your partner because you believe that he or she is the only one that destiny has prepared for you.

We project an illusion of our ideals instead of seeing other people as they really are.

4. Fear of losing the good memories

With the end of the relationship, you may also feel that you are losing all the good memories you’ve had with your partner. You treasure those times and you consider them as the best things that ever happened in your life. Now that the relationship is about to end, would those memories fade away as well?

“Saying goodbye doesn’t mean you need to forget,

It doesn’t mean you were never loved.

It doesn’t mean you’re weak,

It doesn’t mean you didn’t try hard enough.”

5. Lack of acceptance

It may be that you still find it hard to accept the breakup. You may feel that you have worked so hard for it. You have sacrificed too much only to see it fail in the end. You can’t accept that it’s all over.

Acceptance is the shortest route to peace.

6. Lack of time to grieve

You need to grieve the end of your relationship. You have to allow yourself to cry. No matter how much you may want to move on, you should recognize the part of you that’s been hurt. In order to heal, you must give yourself time.

Wounds don’t go away just because you forget you had them.

7. Lack of support

We are often at our most vulnerable when we are hurt. The same is true when your heart has just been broken. You don’t need to go through it alone. You can seek the help of family and friends who could support you. Find trustworthy people who can listen to you. Find those who will not judge you but who are willing to assist you as you heal.

It may be time to get in touch with your old friends again.

8. Wallowing in your pain

It’s not good to forget everything and become so busy you hardly have the time to grieve. But it’s also not helpful to wallow in your hurts all the time. You need to find some activity to engage in as you start to heal your broken heart. For instance, some exercise is good because it helps your body release hormones that could help you feel happier.

The problem… is that many of us choose to cling to our hurts. We let the pain linger longer than they should.

9. Lack of will to move on

Sometimes, you just don’t want to move on yet. You can’t heal because you refuse to let go. You want to hold on even when it hurts.

In order to mend, you must first decide that you want to start healing.

It would not benefit us if we stand always at the fork in the road, never making a choice, never making any mistake, but never making any progress as well, and never being able to live life to the full.

Final thoughts

We can’t help but risk being hurt each time that we love someone. When the relationship breaks apart, all we can do is to grieve for its end and to keep all the good memories we’ve had. Time doesn’t have to stop there. Life doesn’t stop there. We need to let go so we can be healed. Let us do all we can to start the process of mending what’s broken so we can love again and live our lives to the full.

Only by allowing some things to end could we ever hope to see even more beautiful things coming our way.

You may also want to read Jocelyn's book "Mend My Broken Heart". Get it from Amazon today - click here.