What It's Like Being Twins
Two be, or not two be, that is the question.
“What’s it like having a twin?” Being a twin, that is a question my sister and I have been fielding since we were children. We’ve had it posed to us almost as many times as the classic, “Am I seeing double?”
People seem to think having a twin is like having a clone. One comment I constantly hear is, “If I had a twin, I’d make her go to all the classes I didn’t like.” Yeah, good luck with that one, I always think in response. I have yet to hear anyone say, “If I had a twin, she would make me take all the classes she didn’t like.” Let’s get one thing straight: you would never make your twin do anything she didn’t want to do.
Being twins is just another relationship between two individuals, and like all relationships, no twin relationship fits into the same mold. On the other hand, there’s always some element of truth in stereotypes, and my twin and I do reinforce a lot of twin clichés. We get along like peanut butter and peanut butter. We have similar tastes and interests. We don’t like to do things without each other. We worked together at the same movie theater for nearly twenty years, moving up from staff to management together, and we even bought a house together. Sadly, we are completely devoid of psychic powers. (Though theories exist about the Ninth Dimension, in which one twin speaks to a third party by means of the other twin. Don’t worry, it’s okay to fall short and only hit the Eighth Dimension. The Eighth Dimension is pizza.)
Being an identical twin can be confusing. Have you ever had a stranger come up and start talking to you as if you’ve had conversations before? What do you do? Smile and nod, pretend you know what they’re talking about? Or stop them and tell them you have no idea who they are? That second option can be quite embarrassing if it turns out the “stranger” really has spoken to you, not your twin, and you’re now exposing what a bad memory you have for faces and conversations. Awkward.
Although we don’t have a psychic connection, my sister and I do think alike and have similar reactions to most things. It’s not just about being twins. We’ve lived with each other for so long, shared most of our experiences and explained our thinking to each other so many times, that we’ve slipped into parallel grooves. Over the years, we’ve learned where the similarities and the differences in our thinking lie. Because we do think so alike, we are constantly exploring the differences, often asking each other what we think about one topic or another, and why.
My twin and I have always been of a very analytical and philosophical bent of mind, and I believe part of that stems from being asked our entire lives what it’s like to be twins. “What’s it like being a twin?” someone asks for the hundredth time. Except this time, rather than trying to explain the relationship, I answer with my own question, “What is it like not being a twin?” I have no experience not being a twin; how can I be expected to draw a comparison? In asking what it’s like to be a twin, people are asking me what it’s like to be. In contemplating how to best answer the question, I have spent a lot of time over the years analyzing myself, my life, my relationships, and what it means to exist.
There was a point in our youth when my sister and I became resistant to being called “the twins” all the time. That is probably one of the most unique aspects of being a twin. I don’t have any empirical evidence, but I suspect even triplets aren’t called “the triplets” by their family and friends. The word triplets just doesn’t roll off the tongue like twins. Maybe I’m wrong, but for the triplets’ sake I hope I’m not. Even if your twin is your favorite person in the world, there is a psychological frustration to being lumped into a single unit with someone else, particularly in your youth when you are developing as a person, as a personality, as an individual. But the only person we ever managed to break of the habit was our best friend. As adults, it still rankles when people call us “the twins,” but now that we’ve confirmed ourselves as our own individual persons it’s only a minor annoyance, not an existential crisis.
I suspect it can be difficult to be friends with twins. There is likely an unconscious sense of being excluded, like when a single person hangs out with a married couple. We are a built-in tag team, and that can make people feel left out. We don’t mean for it to happen, but it does. This has been hard on us in the past as friends have slipped away without explanation, leaving us feeling there was something wrong with us. All the same, the experience drew us closer to each other.
My sister and I rarely have arguments with each other, but it does happen. As well as we get along, we are still two individual human beings. I walked out of the house on my sister once after a disagreement. (I went to the bookstore and wound up buying her a puzzle because I felt bad.) Another time, she gave me the silent treatment for three days straight. What we’ve learned from these experiences is that good communication is essential in a close relationship. You have to foster the ability to listen to the other person with an open heart and assumptions of good intentions, and you need to step outside yourself to be able to explain your side with self-honesty and humility.
Nowadays, when people ask me what it’s like to be a twin, I tell them it’s a lot like a marriage. Doing it successfully requires good communication, a healthy dose of self-awareness, mutual respect and affection. People roam the world in search of their soulmate, I just happen to have been born with mine.
About the Creator
Michelle Rose Diehl
Profoundly silly.
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