What is life

I’m confused. Confused about life, confused about love, confused about everything! Why does life have to be so hard for people and women like me ? Is it because I don’t look like the females you see in magazines or on the tv? Is it because I’m minimum wage and not paid ? Is it the color of my skin ? I get depressed at night when I’m just laying down all alone in my room thinking and wishing my life was like other peoples. It’s like my family has a curse on it or something. My love life is as equally crazy as my personal life . I have a delusional “baby daddy” who really just want to keep me around cause he doesn’t want nobody else to have me. That’s another story in the making though.

I want to live that lavish life. I want my kids to have nothing but the best, so this little 23 year old will stop at nothing until She gets what she wants.

...........................

My name is Erika . I was born in Pittsburgh Pennsylvanian and raised in Charlotte North Carolina. I have 4 sisters and 1 brother. My mother moved all of her children so that we could possibly have a better life than she had while growing up in Pittsburgh. The cold and crime is what my mother wanted to get away from, but each day that past in the city of Charlotte is getting worse and worse, it’s not even safe here anymore.

I wouldn’t think that I would be back at my mom place at the age of 23, but life happened . Now I have two kids, two baby daddies and a non existing life . My world is at a stand still. I don’t know what to do next. I went from having it all and climbing the latter to the top to being back at my my mama house. All because of a MAN.

......................

When I was 15 I met my first child father Emjay. He was everything a teenage girl could ask for . We did literally everything together. I got in so much trouble with my mom because of him. Sneaking out the house, not coming home for a few weeks even months at a time. Would I change anything though ? Not really. The only thing I would change is probably not skipping school and chasing behind a boy when I should of been more focus on myself. I got pregnant at 18 and had my son when I was 19. My son Ej was actually my first true love ever . You don’t really understand unconditional love until you have a kid I say.

Emjay and I were together for about 5 years; until he got deported to Mexico . My son was only 7 months at the time . Before my son’s dad got deported we were going through a terrible time. From he cheating and not coming home at night; to us fist fighting and me arguing with the other girl. I had already stop loving him; the trust was already long gone. Not saying that I haven’t made any mistakes in our relationship, but that’s another story for another time.

When Emjay got deported I moved out of his mother house and got my own place . I was on the top of the world ! Nobody could tell me nothing . I had a good job, my bills were paid and I was SINGLE and living my life. My son wanted for nothing .

I was able to go out and come in when I wanted to; didn’t have to answer to no man. I could have both male and female friends without someone being on my back about everything I wanted to do . I could buy anything I wanted. No I wasn’t rich or anything, but I definitely wasn’t poor. You couldn’t tell me nothing!

Sometimes you should focus on yourself first and love yourself first. Don’t just jump into a relationship because the sex is good that’s the quickest way to have another failed relationship. I wish I would have thought like this in the past. I definitely wouldn’t be in this situation. How could you blame me though? I was young. Hell I still am ! I’m just much more wiser now.

To be continued ...