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What if Your Partner Doesn’t (Intentionally) Grow Along With You?

Compatibility through different stages of self-growth

By A.M.RadulescuPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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What if Your Partner Doesn’t (Intentionally) Grow Along With You?
Photo by Elias Maurer on Unsplash

Rivers of words have flowed depicting the all-powerful force of love. From the famous Corinthians quote Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (1 Corinthians 13:4–8) to the great Bard himself - I love you more than words can wield the matter, Dearer than eyesight, space and liberty. (William Shakespear, King Lear — Act 1, scene 1)

Putting all that aside, what I want to explore today is compatibility. And no, there are no astrology lessons on the horizon, but rather an observation of inner workings.

Spiritual enlightenment — what it brings to your circle

Let’s say you’re a mindful individual, someone who has embarked on the road of self-discovery and had put serious, conscious effort into your spiritual awakening. You walk the path of existential questions, meditations, maybe yoga, and as a result, have started to filter your friends and acquaintances whose energy is no longer in sync with yours. They can be childhood buddies, former work colleagues, relations from school, or even distant relatives. This doesn’t mean that the people in question are lesser beings or the memories you share hold no value, just that you no longer walk the same road. After all, the desire to be surrounded by like-minded people who can make you grow is only natural.

But what does this mean for your significant other?

If your partner has not taken the same awakening journey, you may be experiencing conflicting emotions. Are they still a good match? Where are we headed? Can this still work? Here I am, considering the unwritten laws of the Universe, and my loved one is preoccupied with video games, sports, and the daily comings and goings of life. Practical and normal occupations, by not quite on the same page as yours. The love you feel is unaltered (they are the same amazing person you fell head over heels for) but doubt tries to creep in your mind. Now, to save yourself a lot of heart (and head) ache ask yourself two questions:

  1. Does my partner support me despite our differentness and even though they may not fully understand me?
  2. Is there truth in simplicity?

Now let’s tackle them one at a time.

Support

Spyder, a fellow creator very dear to me, has an eye-opening article on Medium called Two Types of People. What happens when you commit to relationships with those who aren’t growing?

His writing was the balm my soul needed when doubt had started its campaign. Below is a quote about the first type of people, the ones who are not actively pursuing the same journey of self-growth, but support you 100%.

They are likely your biggest cheerleader and supporter. They compliment you on your growth, they help facilitate it by giving you space to meditate, help out with things so you can write. They encourage you and actively listen. They are genuinely happy for you. These people are probably growing too just from being around you and feeling you be more at peace and living intentionally. They are riding your energy even if they are not actively pursuing growth. This is a model of a very healthy relationship. A healthy relationship adapts to change. People in healthy relationships are growing and the relationship adapts to that growth. These relationships can, I think, survive one person growing spiritually. I do think the other person will be drawn in eventually. But that does not have to happen.

Spyder was talking about a broader category of people, but I want to focus on a life partner. Open up your being to this truth — If they are genuinely supportive, it matters less or none at all if you’re not on the same page spiritually. A supportive partner/spouse/lover gives you the opportunity for inner exploration, by creating a safe haven in which you can manifest. Where you are prone to zoning out for minutes on end thinking about the power of intention, they feed the cat, pay the bills, or do the chores you dreamer don’t even consider, because they don’t even register on your radar. They bring comfort, stability, practicality, and balance. A true supporter is rare, don’t discount such a blessing.

Simplicity

If you are one of those people who questions everything, an honest-to-God overthinker whose mind doesn’t stop, you know how exhausting this can be. You may turn an idea over and over in your head, only to find yourself back at the starting point. A bit frustrating and tiring, is it not? Now, compare this way of thinking to your partner’s simplicity and authenticity. You may find that they can offer you the right answer from the start, because they skip the tiresome loop, by bringing a fresh, clear perspective. It can be shocking and humbling to discover that an issue that kept you up all night can be solved in two minutes without the detours. That’s simplicity in this case. The ability to sort through what is useful and what is not and find the right road easily. Like your own living and breathing navigator. A human Google Maps if you please. Don’t underestimate them and fall into the nasty trap of thinking yourself superior. Instead, be always on the watch for signs the Universe gives you through them. This, of course, implies healthy communication. Tell your partner what is troubling you, even if you don’t get into much detail. You may be very surprised at the outcome.

Final thoughts

At the base of a romantic (and any) relationship lies a connection. That is what keeps it going, nurtures it, strengthens it. If that connection is true, built on honesty, mutual respect, unconditional support, and, of course, love, it can stand the test of time regardless of the circumstances, adapting along the way. Never diminish that bond with thoughts of incompatibility because of different stages of spiritual growth. We all need someone to ground us, a mirror, and a barometer. Awakening means, above everything else, all-encompassing love, the power to accept different opinions and manifestations, to embrace uniqueness, complementarity. You don’t need to date a replica of yourself, but someone who sees every inch of you, respecting and supporting you for the unique individual you are. We all have our (equally important) part to play in the grand scheme of life.

A.M.Radulescu

By Stefano Valtorta on Unsplash

Dear reader, if these musings spoke to you in some way, you can find more of my work below. Only you decide the reach of my writing, so feel free to share, heart, or even tip as you see fit.

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About the Creator

A.M.Radulescu

Certified bookworm, published author, hopeful dreamer, passionate traveller, cat lover, life enthusiast. Writing about life and self-growth. Get my debut novel at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09JRJ3P5T

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