What I learned from being in a relationship

Each relationship is different from the others because the background is different, the person you are with and a thousand other things. Despite this, from my first relationship, I learned many things. These are some of the most important that I managed to put down.

• Sincerity first of all, but it takes tact. "That shirt doesn't fit you well" is different than saying "that shirt looks like crap on you" even if the concept is identical. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, yes, be sincere and free to say what you want and how you want, but by measuring the words so as not to hurt the other person. You also have to adjust according to the character, there are those who take offence and those who joke about it, but for this reason, it is better to leave perhaps a little more cautious to feel the ground before shooting tactless sentences. On the other hand, we must also first point out to the other when a sentence has hurt us and why.
• Growing up together is fine, but you don't have to be a mom to him. Sometimes, indeed often, it happened to me, at the beginning of our relationship, that he considered me almost a mother2. My ex has always been a little spoiled and I was the first to tell him, but sometimes this behaviour irritated me and not a little. Born and raised in a family where if you want something, first you have to try it alone, I found myself having to do/think about everything. Where we saw each other, what we did, how and when. I came to saturation very quickly, but luckily he understood quickly enough that he had to be more independent.
• If sex doesn't work, there are sometimes other underlying problems. At first, it always seems all pink and flowers, but sex can stop working overtime or immediately be unpleasant. This unfortunately happens and, from personal experience, it is also the result of a harmony that is not there or that has broken. In the first months, a glance was enough to understand what the other thought, we were really one, but over time it turned out to be increasingly difficult to be on the same wavelength, sex was the first alarm bell that then a thousand more have access.
• Asking the other to change is a contradiction. If we are together and we are talking about modifying, at the request of the other, a fairly harmless behaviour such as "pull the water after going to the bathroom" I do not see anything wrong, but it is when we move from this kind of reasonable claim to something like "I don't like this behaviour of yours x, don't do it anymore" that you have to ask yourself questions, even and especially if you expect the other to change character. You cannot ask the other to change, cancel because it is not good for us to be so, indeed we must become aware and reason if it is something we can endure, as the other person will bear our characteristics that do not suit him, or if it is appropriate to put a stone on top of the relationship and go on separate ways. In addition to being unreasonable, there is also little respect for the other. If you buy a black car and then expect it to turn red, then you were wrong to buy it, but it's not anyone's fault, you simply don't like it anymore.
• I'll show you the phone only if you do too. There is talk of trust, of course, but if neither has nothing to hide and you just want to do the other's business, which I find wrong anyway, it can only be there if there is collaboration on both sides. If I tell you not to watch my conversation with a friend of mine because after our fight I vented with her, saying maybe even bad things, or for any other reason, you have to respect that will. Peeking into the phone of others, without the consent of the other, even if you are together I still find it a violation, even and especially if one of the two then prevents the other from doing the same.
• Giving up on a commitment must take place on both sides. It may happen that among the thousand commitments of different nature there are periods where there is little time to be with the other person, when it happens there is usually the "then Friday I don't go out with my friends and you and I go out" it is not bad in itself, but it is necessary to see if both sides of the couple are willing to give up an evening to be with each other. I give up this time if you give up the next one. First me, then you. Team play. But never should we only demand and never give.
• When you are young you change, it is normal. If you trust at seventeen, it may happen that the person we have faced for years changes and that maybe you don't feel what you felt before, we could be the first to find ourselves confused, to change perspective. It is not necessary to make a drama out of it, but rather, to see how it has changed and grown together as a positive thing, even if the roads take two different directions.