What happened to the Little Black Book?

Years ago, I remember seeing on TV that a little black book was an expression alluding to a list of numbers of possible dates or people to hook up with. In our digital and technologically advanced age, I wonder if Match and Tinder have replaced the old-fashioned little black book. It left me wondering if anyone still had a little black book, listing the names of people to call when you need a date, for lonely nights or just for networking. I asked many friends from various backgrounds and ages and not a one ever had one or knew of someone that did. Did my group of friends just not have options or was the Little Black Book something just from the movies? Others explained the Little Black Book was sometimes just a list of contacts and not necessarily for dating purposes. This led me to wonder: Is our contact list in our phones the new little Black Book we pull out and scroll through? Who can we call? Who will answer? How many people have my name in their contact list? Am I a part of someone’s little black book?

One day at an educational Conference we were given little black books for note-taking. It was about the size of a standard journal and had a red satin bookmark. During a particularly boring session, I thought of the black book again. While I know I should be writing down this supposedly important info on high school curriculum, instead, I wrote down the names of former friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. I listed those I felt I could call should I need an ear, a vent session, a friend. I was sad as I perused my long list knowing that 90% of the people on the list probably wouldn’t even answer the phone. And not because I am a jerk or because they don’t care...

People just don’t answer the phone. Some even proudly boast that they never answer the phone or listen to voicemails and many even get annoyed when someone calls versus texts. I recently saw a meme that said, “I would rather be eating by a dinosaur than answer my phone.” I guess it’s the world we live in now.

Rather than accept this or make assumptions, I decided to test my theory and see how many of my contacts also hated answering the phone. I went through my little black book and called each person on it. In a week, I had spoken to two people but left about 50 voicemails checking in and asking if we could chat. No reason or explanation. Just wanted to see who would respond. Two did. Five of the 50 DID text back saying generally, did you mean to call me? When I replied yes, it was met with silence. I realized it wasn’t a question. It was an accusation. Now, two of the 5 did ask, “Is everything okay?” When I said, “Yes, I would just love to chat with you.” Silence. Not even an excuse? Or reply? One person said, “lol, why would you call me? Who does that?”

Apparently calling on the phone is a bigger social faux pas than I had realized. Times have changed but I definitely don’t have a useful little black book, literally or digitally. This makes me sad. Growing up in the 80s talking on the phone was a favorite and normal past time. Now it’s not only not done but it’s an irritant and imposition. Even in a global pandemic when we are home more and disconnected more, the shift to a phone call is still not acceptable?

What’s not to love about the phone? It’s more affordable than going out. You can be in your sweats, you don’t need a DD and you can easily end the convo if you want. Even Zoom and FaceTime can’t boast these benefits! Sometimes I really miss long phone calls with friends laughing from the comfort of my home.

I tried this little experiment several months later and was met with the same replies. 2 answered, most ignored and a scattered amount sent the clearly annoyed you didn’t text and called me texts.

So for the same 2 that answered, I was able to show my appreciation. Their small gestures, among so much rejection, meant so much, so much in fact that I was able to show my thanks with more than words. I recently inherited a large sum of money and I used that money for those two people. Not just because they answered but because we connected and I heard their stories, their lives and I wanted to bless them as they had blessed me. Both times I opened my

Little Black Book to try my calls, only those two answers, both times. They weren’t my family or my best friends. Just caring acquaintances that didn’t have such a strong aversion to the phone. Or two people that were also seeking connection during this lonely year. We had great conversations, sharing, laughing, crying, listening....connecting. Answering the phone is such a small gesture but one that stuck with me.