What Happened to the American Family

What happened to the American family? Women went to work. It started with the major feminist movement of the 1960s and 1970s. To narrow it down further, I'd say consumerism killed the American family. When I speak of the American family, I'm talking about the family of European descent — the white people — the ruling class.

The fall of the black family is not something I'm qualified to speak about, although I have my theory. I invite any black writer on Medium to cover it. The Hispanic family is still intact, and it's what got me thinking about the issue.

I'm living in Mazatlan, Mexico. My roommate had a guest over who is Mexican, although she is caucasian. I'll call her Linda. Linda mentioned that Mexicans live in traditional roles. She meant the Hispanic Mexicans. It's a generalization but a truism at the same time. Papa is king of the castle. Mama cooks, cleans, does his laundry and raises the kids, and might work outside of the home.

There is a professional class in Mexico. Women go to the university and hold professional jobs such as lawyers, veterinarians, dentists, doctors, nurses, and teachers.

Poor, uneducated women work as house cleaners or in the many service jobs available in this city. A large percentage in the poorest areas stay home and take care of the family.

There's been a recent uprising of feminists in Mexico due to spousal abuse and femicide, which is something the U.S. has plenty of, also. Americans might not think it's as bad as Mexico, but they're wrong. It's a major problem in our country; we're not exempt.

There are three major differences between the Mexican or Hispanic culture and the white American culture: Family is everything, Mama is worshipped, and consumerism doesn't exist. You don't mess with a Mexican's Mama if you want to live. Mama is the glue that holds the family together even if she works outside of the home.

I discussed this with a friend of mine who is Catholic. She attributes the adoration of Mama to the adoration of Mother Mary in the Catholic religion. I think she might be correct.

Let's take a look at the American family. Both Mom and Dad work, and their children are latchkey kids. Breakfast might not get eaten, and the family doesn't sit down to dinner together. Shopping is the main recreation. During the holidays and various black Friday's, people will camp out overnight in front of the major stores and trample each other to death to get a cheap price on a 65 inch TV. It's not an exaggeration. People have been trampled to death, and none of the crazed shoppers stopped to help the victims.

I must admit that I miss the variety and plentifulness of products found in the stores in the U.S. If I go into an Office Max, Best Buy, Barnes & Noble, Hobby Lobby, or Walmart, I'm going to find what I want. I'm an artist, and I miss Hobby Lobby and Blick's Art Store the most.

Instead of going shopping, Mexicans spend time with their families. The family is everything. Elderly parents are taken care of at home, and all family members pitch in to help. My realtor's mother has dementia, and her two grown children and husband take turns staying at home with her all day because she can't be left alone.

On the weekends, you'll find families on the beach having a good time. I love to see the children playing in the water and digging in the sand. Mexicans celebrate everything. Music is a part of the culture, and you'll hear bands everywhere, especially on the beach. Mexicans even celebrate death. Dia de Los Muertos, Day of the Dead, was last weekend. It's a tradition in Mexico to celebrate your loved ones who have passed. A parade takes place, and people dress up as skeletons. I love the concept.

If you've read this far, you're probably expecting me to say women should stop working outside the home and return to the Norman Rockwell existence, which was a fantasy of the 1950s. Schools should bring back the Dick and Jane books where Dad and son did the yardwork and Mom and daughter did the dishes. I'm not going to say that.

The post-WWII wives and mothers were not enjoying themselves. When the men came back from the war, they had to hand their factory jobs over to the men. They had a taste of independence and control over their lives and lost it overnight. There was nothing left to do but go home and have babies, and they did. That generation of women was not happy being under the control of their husbands.

Betty Friedan writes in her book, The Feminine Mystique, about the problem with no name. Educated women were showing up in the doctors' offices suffering from depression. They weren't happy staying at home changing diapers. They wanted more out of life than living vicariously through their husbands' achievements. They wanted their own.

Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinham, and others launched the feminist movement. It was long overdue and turned out to be a good thing.

When the women of my generation, the baby boomers, chose to work outside the home, it was the best thing to ever happen to both men and women, but the worst thing to happen to children.

Men no longer had to carry the full burden of supporting the family, women didn't have to stay with abusive men, the divorce rate shot up, and the kids became latchkey children.

Once the Vietnam war was over, the country went from a war economy to a consumer economy. The banks started offering credit that they didn't offer to our parents' generation. We shopped till we dropped. We bought bigger and bigger houses. The banks loved imprisoning us with rising debt.

Americans continue to spend, work long hours, and sometimes two or three jobs to pay off debt and keep up with the inflation we created through supply and demand.

That's what happened to the American family. We had children that we didn't have time for because we were busy shopping. The money to shop came from the extra income earned by women. It had a domino effect. We threw our values out the window.

I'm not saying that women should give up their jobs to stay at home with the kids. That's a choice parents have to make if they can afford to. However, I do say that women need to protect themselves and their children financially.

This article is nothing more than my opinion and a generalization. I'm not a sociologist or economist. It's sad to see what the American family has become. It's sad to see values like eating together at the dinner table and spending time together as a family disappear.