What Happened?

My year started out like any other year: wishing I wasn’t the only one single in my family. I had just hit the 90 day mark at my new job and we had a team off-site meeting coming up so we had to make vision boards. The categories on mine were: Family, Relationship, Work, and Finances. My number one thing I wanted to work on this year was getting to know myself and feeling more comfortable in my own skin. I made the vision board and, of course, placed pictures of couples on there but didn’t have any high hopes of anything happening.

One week later, I added someone from high school named named Jack. His wife had just passed away a month earlier so I didn’t think anything of it. One week later, I was driving to my parents house and kept thinking that I was tired of always being left out and how I had been single for so long, I felt forgotten. That night, Jack messaged me. He was sitting by the campfire with his son, Chase. We started talking like we had known each other for years. He asked if he could call me the next night, I said yes. We talked for hours. This has never happened to me before. Why did I feel like I was best friends with someone I barely knew? From that moment on, we talked on the phone for at least 2 hours every night for 2 weeks until he asked me out on a date. A real date. But, his wife just died, I kept telling myself. I went anyways.

I was so nervous when it was time for our first date. By this point, I knew he liked me but I didn’t know how since his wife just passed. He explained to me they were just basically roommates and were together for Chase but that was so hard for me to believe. We were on our date for 3 hours. He walked me to the car and I gave him a hug. As I turned around, he pulled me in and kissed me goodnight. It was at that moment I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

As soon as he drove off, he was already calling me telling me he missed me. I missed him too. We made plans to see each other the following weekend as well. This went on for a few weeks and we kept talking on the phone every night for hours then he asked me to meet his son. From the moment he met me, he loved me. It was surreal. We couldn’t believe it because we didn’t know how it was going to go. A few months into it, Chase was even asking us to get married!

Jack proposed in July. It was very intimate and sweet because he knows I don’t like huge surprises. He wrote me a note and proposed at his house. We also re-enacted it for Chase so that he could feel like he was a part of it. He called me mommy for the first time, I think my heart melted.

In August we found our dream house! We put down an offer and there were multiple offers over ours but they accepted ours because of a note I wrote! We had everything going through and processing and everything was going perfect until...

Jack ended our engagement. The night before he said he didn’t know what he would ever do without me and then the next night he said he doesn’t think we will ever get back together again. He said he was mentally unstable and he is finally grieving the loss of his wife. We had to sign cancellation papers for the house, lost money on all the wedding planning I had done, and he told me he was even having doubts when he proposed.

If this has happened to you, I’m so sorry. What I have learned through this, is that we have to give people grace and time. We don’t know when grief will hit. Yes, this has hurt me, but I’m sure this has hurt him a whole more. As for me? I’m going back to the vision board. I guess things do happen as they are supposed to. This year I had intended on working on finding out who I truly am as a person. I’m finding out in the worst way possible but it has made me dig deep into places I never would have gone before to get to know myself, and for that, I’m forever thankful. We may not always know why things happen, but I know the grass is greener on the other side. Get up, get dressed, show up, and the day will keep moving and it will be a good one, trust me.

Thank you for taking the time to read my journey this year.