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What doesn't kill you make you stronger

By T. Lee Published 3 years ago 4 min read
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My mother was born in the North of Vietnam during the time of Vietnam war. The war was happening in the South Vietnam, while in the North temporary peace was settled. The war left the country broken in so many areas. Resources were exhausted and poverty was everywhere. Poverty and starvation were what my mother’s childhood looked like.

My grandparents have five children, and my mother is the second child. At the age of seven, she took care of her three younger brothers and took care of meals for the family. My grandparents were farmers, but they were not allowed to farm on their own. In fact, everyone must work collectively, farmed collective land that was owned by the government, and food got distributed per capita. Production was so low that every family barely had food for their daily lives.

From a young age, my mother did whatever she could to find extra food for the family. It could be some small fish from the stream, mud crabs or snails in the rice fields. In harvest days, she would go to the field to see if any rice or sweet potatoes were left over to pick them up. Her happiness was as simple as to find some so they could have some extra for meals.

When I was young, I always wondered what my mother’s dream was when she was a little. It was cute to ask because no one talked about dream when they do not know what tomorrow looks like, whether they would have something to eat, or they would have to go to bed hungry. My mother, she wanted to see the light in the darkness that her family had food to eat, and that her life would be better than her parents’. Hope is all she got.

When my grandmother died suddenly from a cold, my mother lost her greatest support. My mother would have to drop out of high school to work and support my grandfather. School was her last resort to get her somewhere, out of her village, out of poverty. If she dropped out, she could only become a farmer, then her life would be the same as her parents, and her children’s life would be like hers. It was a vicious cycle with no end, but she refused to give up.

She worked even harder. She got up before anyone else to catch fish and mud crabs. She made baskets, bowls, hats, or anything possible from bamboo tree to sell them. Every morning she walked 10km to the center market to sell whatever she had for the day, then walked back to attend her school. Some days, she made money, other days she sold nothing. Day after day, it was just like that for three years until she graduated from high school. Her tenaciousness and determination have made her a strong woman - one that has never given up before any of life’s challenges.

Many years later, the country opened the economy, that has changed people’s lives significantly. My family also got benefited from the country’s economic growth. My mother had finished vocational school, became an accountant, got married to my father, and had me and my brother. Later, she also had a small business for a couple of years. One would think all her hard times have passed and she can now reap the benefits, but you wish.

My father was unfaithful. It did not happen just once. My brother and I were still small since that happened. She chose to continue the marriage so that my brother and I had a complete family. I think this is my mother’s biggest mistake. But who am I to judge my mother? The society still has so much stake in individual life here, especially women’s life. Divorce is a curse to women and to their children. My mother was worried more about the effect a divorce could have on my brother and me.

When I discovered the ugly truth about my parents’ marriage, I feel extremely shocked, hurtful, and angry. I was already a grown-up woman at that time. Many children, growing up in such a broken family, would feel abandoned and lose faith, would rebel, or do more harm than good to deal with pain. My mother sacrificed her own happiness for my brother and I to have a ‘normal’ life. Her focus was for her children to grew up physically and mentally healthy, and we did thank to her.

After many years, my mother finally freed herself from the abusive relationship. The entire process was extremely painful to all of us, but it also was when the healing starts. My mother’s protection and sacrifice are beyond words.

There are so many lessons I have learned from my mother. She has taught us her values of gratitude, honesty, and resilience. My brother and I can live proudly and strongly because of her. I am so proud of my mother and I owe my life to her.

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