What Does Love Look Like?

Love is a bit of a strange topic for me to write about since I have never been "in love" before. Sure, I've had the usual crushes, a date, and rejections, but I don't know what "love" is supposed to look like these days. The world has become confused as to what "love" is; I have never thought it was that icky feeling in one's gut when you stare into someone's eyes, because that feeling is fleeting and love is supposed to last a lifetime. "Love," according to what the media throws our way, is all about the sexual gratification that comes with being with the one you're attracted to. "Love" is about sharing a physically intimate part of one's self with multiple people while withholding the truly intimate part: your inner vulnerability, your past, your dreams, your needs, your life plan, your hidden passions (as in hobbies), etc. After watching so many of my friends and family members settle down over the years, I have made it a point to observe what kind of "love" they have.

I have this one friend who has known me for well over a decade who has the fairy-tale marriage every girl dreams about. She is loved and respected by her husband, and she loves and respects him in return. The main reason why I'm using them as an example is because they took the time to get to know the non-physical, intimate parts of each other over many years. Plus, she is always there if and when I need her and has accepted parts of me I don't share a lot. There have been others I have shared parts of my life with (my hopes and dreams, my inner vulnerability) and they betrayed and abandoned me, but true "love" doesn't abandon when paths change—it is the people who decide to let their paths change them that causes the abandonment. You can't claim to "love" someone and then leave them sitting in the dust. Too often, friendships and partnerships have ended because true love didn't exist.

Yes, I'm saying true love can exist outside of a partnership. A couple of years ago, I was given the best relationship advice from a customer of mine. While waiting for his insurance information to appear on my computer screen, he asked me if I was married. I told him "no" and that I was fine being single because of all the drama. He chuckled and asked me if I had ever heard that, in a marriage, it's a 50/50 partnership, and I said I had heard of that. What he said next floored me! He told me to forget about that standard because, at the end of the day, the account needs to read 100 percent and it doesn't matter who gives more or less. There will be days when you can only give 20 percent and your partner has to give 80 percent, but there will also be days where the roles are reversed. I absolutely love that way of thinking because it can be implemented in more than just "love" relationships; it crosses the spectrum of humanity!

Friends, parents, siblings, extended family, the next door neighbor, the stranger checking out your groceries, etc. Ever yday we interact with our multiple relationships and have the opportunity to "love." If we know our sister is going through a rough spot, let's help her by sending encouraging words to her! Help each day to end at 100 percent so nobody is left in the hole. So, what does "love" look like? Love is putting someone else before you and your needs; love is being kind while waiting in that long grocery store line; love is asking that crying teenage girl why she is crying; love is spending quality time riding a bike at a beautiful national park with your partner; love is taking the time to hang out with a friend just to make them laugh; love is taking over Lysol wipes to a friend's house where someone is sick; love is flying to another state for less than 36 hours to see a friend marry her true love.

You see, I may not know about the kind of love the media douses us with, but I know about true love. There is so much more to it; it's like an onion! With each layer you peel off, you learn a deeper meaning to it or another way of showing it. Love can be like the ocean; sure it ebbs and flows, but it always ends the day at 100 percent.