What do you do with a shattered heart?

Sometimes, it depends how it was broken in the first place. Did your loved one travel down the river Styx with the reaper? Did you leave someone you cared about because of your own insecurities? Were you dumped? Were you abandoned by a parent/guardian? Abused? Neglected? Cheated on? Me? I was betrayed.

In November of 2019, I was dumped by my ex-boyfriend; let's call him Mycroft, to protect his identity, the day after Thanksgiving. Mycroft and I had only been dating about 6 months; that was plenty of time for him to steal my heart. On Thanksgiving Day, his family and I, had a lovely dinner, watched the Macy's Day parade and we went to go see the Symphony Of Lights to kick start the holiday season. He told me he loved me and I went to stay at my parents house. He had told me his brother was having some mental issues and I understood so I left. It was completely baffling to receive a text after visiting my grandparents talking about how wonderful it is that he was thinking about breaking up with his girlfriend.

Wrong person got the text indeed.

Being broken up with over text was hard enough. I can't imagine how it could of gotten worse. After the breakup, I went to my best friend's house; let's name her Anne. Anne had held me while I cried and let me drink her out of a liquor cabinet. I can't say it was a healthy decision but what's a girl gonna do to being dumped? After about a week of being surrounded by his stuff he left and refused to message back about picking up; his beloved Nike sandals and his pet snake I let him keep at my home. I had enough. I packed up all his things myself, made sure he wasn't home and went to drop it off with his mother.

What a sweet woman. She quickly rushed me in after bringing back her son's things and hugged me. She sat me down and grabbed me some hot tea and asked me what happened. I explained everything to her. My side of the story, at least. She had even gotten me a present for Christmas. I still have the painted wooden llama on my desk. In a way, it brings me peace and strength. To this day she is one of the strongest, kindest women I've ever met.

Her other son, the ex's brother, was no exception. He was smart and capable. He is a huge film nut and comedy king. He had never really liked any of my exes friends or previous girlfriends he brought to the house. However, he liked to spend time with me. Often thought it was good to bring me out. He liked that I could rip him a new one and still make dinner afterward. He was kinda a loner but he didn't seem depressed or anxious actually a content kid. He could really go places. Mycroft and his family was just too good to be true.

When Mycroft got his stuff back he gave me a bag of my things. Including a gift I got him. A bag with his favorite beer logo on it. Tacky, I know. It hurt to see that he didn't want it but the whole break up confused me. Why wait until after we had already been dating six months to tell me he wasn't ready for a relationship? Why leave all of his belongings at my house? Why after finding out I was finally starting to heal, start sleeping with Anne and neither one of them have the guts to tell me? True Story and it stung.

Was this really the kind of guy I fall for? The kind of man to bring me home flowers because he "had a feeling" I was having a bad day. The kind of man that knew I didn't have many friends so invited me into his friends group. The kind of man who gave me a safe space to talk about when I was upset and make me feel comfortable enough to talk about it. The kind of man that when he's in a rush in the morning that regardless of how late he might be, kisses my forehead and whisper, "I love you". The kind of man that when blasted drunk begs me not to leave him and replaces my last name with his. The kind of man who then dumps me in the Pit of Despair for eternal suffering just to remind me that he is going to bed another. That other being Anne!

Was the kind of man I fell too hard for really just a wolf in sheep clothing? I was a disgusting mess. I couldn't sleep in my room with out crying, I didn't shower for weeks. My baby sister, bless her soul, drew me a bath and then in my reluctance I just laid in it with my clothes on. I'm not gonna, lie I did something bad. I started dating before I was ready. I started seeing a man, whom we will call Romeo, and it started out okay but I wasn't ready for everything he offered.

A week into us officially dating he asked me to move in with him because he didn't want me to move away. After I had moved, he got jealous and upset. After a while, I realized the only reason I was with him is because he kissed me like my ex did. Realizing that made my relationship feel so wrong. I called him and dumped him. I told him I wasn't happy anymore when the real reason was because I wasn't over Mycroft. I loved Mycroft so much that it clouded my judgement and I was using Romeo as a distraction. I was ashamed of it. I am ashamed of it because Romeo is a good man and he didn't deserve that.

If you're reading this Romeo, I am truly, deeply sorry. Mycroft, if you happen to stumble upon this, I hope you've learned a lesson. The lesson that you need to be careful with whom you are open with. They will fall for you and when you're sick of them, you'll break their hearts. In fact, for all the men out there, I implore you to be careful. Whether or not you are a Mycroft please watch how you treat a woman and how she treats you. You will learn a lot about how you value each other. Maybe even how you value yourself.

In summary, to heal a broken heart lead by betrayal, as much of a cliche it may be; take time to heal. Look at yourself and allow the heart to heal with time. It may take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years but for all parties involved it will be much less destructive.