What Dating a Man with Kids Taught Me

The internet is filled with articles on the pros and cons of dating a man with kids, as well as with tips for women who are considering entering such relationships. The thing is, no matter how much you read about this topic, unless you've experienced it for yourself, it's impossible to accurately express the emotional rollercoaster you go through once you commit yourself to such a challenge.

Yes, dating men with kids is a challenge! And not just any challenge, but an incredibly frustrating one at times. While I'm grateful for what this experience taught me, I have to admit - I got a little overwhelmed. I didn't feel as mentally strong as I thought I would be to put up with everything that comes with the package! Still, I learned a few valuable things that I wish to share with you today:

1. Bye selfishness, hello selflessness

Are you worried that you're too selfish and focused on prioritizing yourself? Date a man who's got children from a previous relationship - that should fix this minor problem of yours.

When I entered my first relationship with a guy who had a daughter, it shocked me to discover that I wasn't the center of his attention. I knew that he would have to spend time with her, take her places and all that, but I didn't realize how selfish I was for not wanting to share the little time I had with him… with his 5-year-old. Ouch, admitting that hurt my ego!

As the relationship progressed, I started getting more comfortable with the idea of sharing him with her and genuinely enjoying the time we spent together. I even gifted her my favorite plush owls and bought her presents frequently! That's evolutive for someone who didn't use to think about anyone else, except for herself.

2. Acceptance and compassion take a whole new meaning

Many people pride themselves on being understanding and compassionate… until they date someone with kids. Suddenly, everything they preached about goes out the window!

One reason why offering these two things in a relationship where kids are involved is difficult is because you always feel you're giving more than receiving. You're the childless, easy-to-date one and they're the one who comes with responsibilities and ex drama. It's so simple for them to accept you when you've got no baggage!

I often wondered if it had been the other way around. Would he have stuck around for me? I kept comparing our life situations, and that is a trap many people fall in when they get involved with men who have children.

In my case, a mindset shift was required - one that allowed me to practice what I preach and grow as a human being. I'm not going to lie saying it was easy, because it wasn't! But it proved to be useful and highly rewarding in the end.

3. Facing your insecurities is a must

All relationships reveal our wounds and all partners mirror parts of us we'd rather not face. When it comes to situations where kids are involved, insecurities rear their ugly repeatedly until you face them, deal with them and release them.

My relationships revealed that the jealousy I felt when my man's kids were around was linked to lack of affection and emotional availability from my dad during childhood. I was jealous of how well my man and his daughter got along because I experienced none of that!

Instead of victimizing myself and sabotaging my relationship with him, I began working on healing my inner child - the girl who never felt loved so perceived her boyfriend's kid as a threat.

Eventually, all women who join such relationships will have to face their worst fears if they want to make things work long term with their man and play an active role in his child's life. Otherwise, why get involved to begin with? Better stick to traditional dating if you're unwilling to do your part.

But, if you're really brave and don't shy away from opportunities that could help you evolve, getting involved with guys who have kids could prove to be useful, fun and refreshing.