What Could Have Been

This story is based on true events. Names of participants are changed to protect their identity.

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In mid 1990s, Tatiana, a smart and attractive young woman from Ukraine (a classical “Slavic” beauty, as many would describe her), was a graduate student at a Midwestern American university. In one of her MBA classes, she met a fellow graduate student Terrell, who looked very much like Denzel Washington. She liked him at first sight. They worked together on a couple of group projects, and Tatiana liked him even more for his smarts. She was admiring and longing for him, suffering in silence for about two months, and then confided in her Indian friend, a fellow graduate student.

Antara fancied the idea of such a beautiful interracial couple and encouraged Tatiana to pursue the relationship. Antara and Tatiana had become very close friends during a year of studies together. Antara knew that for a woman like Tatiana, who grew up in the Soviet Union's traditional collectivist culture, it would be difficult to initiate the first contact with a romantic prospect. So Antara decided to play the role of a matchmaker. She hosted several parties for graduate students to which she invited both Terrell and Tatiana. She did everything for them to talk and spend some time together. If other people approached them, Antara would skillfully break them away and lead them to mingle with others.

Terrell also seemed to like Tatiana. He started to invite her to movies and college basketball games where he volunteered as an assistant coach. They often had lunch together. However, a couple of months passed and it didn’t go any further, as Tatiana hoped. Their friendship did not develop into a romantic relationship.

Perplexed, Antara told Tatiana once, when they discussed the relationship again, “You obviously like each other. Why don’t you ask him directly what’s going on?”

“I cannot do this!” Tatiana responded. “I don’t know how American women do it, but back home a woman would never make the fist move.”

“I know, it’s the same back in India, too. But here, I’ve noticed, Americans seem to like straightforwardness. Perhaps, Terrell is hesitant to take the first step because he is not sure how you’d react, being from a different culture. All men fear rejection, as I heard.”

Tatiana thought about it and decided to follow Antara’s advice. One day, when she and Terrell had lunch in the school cafeteria, Tatiana pulled all her courage together and said, “We’ve known each other for almost six months now, why haven’t you asked me out on a proper date yet?” She asked the question with a smile and in a playful tone, ready to write it off as a joke if something went wrong.

Terrell’s answer, however, was dead serious. “That’s a little too precipitous, Tatiana.”

Even though Tatiana’s English was extremely proficient, she did not know the meaning of the word “precipitous.” She knew the word “precipitation” as volume measurement for rain and snow, but it did not seem to fit this particular situation.

“What do you mean?” she asked, confused.

“I mean that you asked this question without careful consideration of possible consequences. That it may ruin what he have,” Terrell said in a tone of a grade school teacher talking to a student who had done something horribly wrong.

“Oh,” Tatiana said, even more confused.

“I like you as a friend,” Terrell answered, “You are beautiful and smart, but not for me. I could never consider dating someone outside of my culture. Sorry, I have to go now.”

He got up, without finishing his lunch, and left. Tatiana felt humiliated and ashamed. They never spoke to each other again.