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We are extremely social creatures

The river is another representation of transformation

By sara trifPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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We are extremely social creatures
Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

A path junction. Standing at the intersection. A golden wood had two pathways that split off.

We recite Robert Frost poetry in elementary school, where we first learned how to compare the abstract and real worlds we live in, and we enjoy their straightforward metaphors, don't we?

We perceive the river running into the ocean as a sign of death, the forks in the roads and in our life, and the sky as the location of heaven and the stuff of our dreams.

The river is another representation of transformation. After all, just as you can never go back to the days of your life that have passed, you can never step into the same river twice.

We are all aware that change is a necessary part of life. The phenomenon is so constant that we hardly even notice it's happening; it's not just something we experience occasionally.

Although there may be periods of stagnation in our lives, there are constantly things happening all around us, including our own bodies and minds, which steadily age and change through time.

The Gathering

We depend on one another as humans. We are extremely social creatures who depend nearly entirely on other people and society for both our existence and happiness.

We long for emotional and spiritual connection with people because our need for connection goes well beyond our bodily and social demands. We desire to spend time with those who appreciate us, feed us, and give our existence purpose.

It makes sense that you would become attached to someone when you find someone who brightens your entire existence. Why wouldn't you long to be with someone who makes your life more fulfilling, joyful, and all around less gloomy?

As a young person, I'm sure I've had this experience. It's an exhilarating feeling, like when your closest friend comes over for a sleepover and you can't get enough of each other.

The effects of this encounter begin to surface later in life, though. This encounter, this bond with others, abruptly transforms into desire, attachment, and desperation. Maybe you come to the realization that you've depended on others for your fulfillment or happiness, and you're now so cut off from yourself that you can't stand to spend even one night alone yourself.

The Division

Every meeting must result in separation. The Buddha said as such. Although this proverb appears to be making a fairly straightforward observation, it actually means that everything—from the relationships we form to the heart that beats inside of us—is transient.

Often, this upheaval leaves us hopeless. There are lengthier meetings than others. Some of them are good, while others are bad. But the only thing we can be certain of is that they are only here for a little while.

In the big scheme of life, even our longest partnerships are only transient. Even our closest friends and our dearest loves can pass away at any time, therefore we must always be prepared to learn that they have abruptly vanished into the ether of this world.

That is the difference. It is the situation that, deep down, we wish weren't real. In our fantasies, it is something that will never have to occur to us. Not us, not our passionate affections and close relationships. They won't be taken away, for sure.

The Present

Every life has a turning point when we must fully let go. The final challenge of adulthood is coming to terms with the effervescence of everything. Even the things we value most in life eventually pass.

But like you, I have trouble letting go. I adhere. I scream to the heavens and wonder what life is all about.

We understand that it had to be this way, regardless of the cause of the separation—whether it was heartache, a shift in circumstances, or death. It is because things change in life, not because it was always meant to be that way.

You don't have to decide whether the change was positive or negative. All you need to know is that it occurred, and that is how things stand.

The time does not arrive when you are prepared, when you are ready, when you have done everything you want to do with that person. Whether you like it or not, it just happens.

Enlightened minds, according to Buddhism, understand that there is no such thing as separation and that this is all just an illusion that leads to suffering. We learn more and more what it means to experience the "separate self" as we live in a society where feeling alone and isolated may be soul-crushing.

Anyone who has experienced grief and survived it can probably attest to the fact that liberation from suffering and the pain of loss can only be attained by renunciating the separate self, finding strength in the loss of the ego, and seeking solace in the rehabilitative powers of community and fellowship.

The understanding that we may be alone (trapped in our heads, mentally alone with our ideas), yet paradoxically, we are never alone, can arrive in many different ways, including prayer, meditation, acts of service, and public shows of love.

All encounters result in separation, yet in a connected, changing world, this isolation is only a mirage. If you can accept the paradox of being a living, breathing human being, you might find it easier to breathe because you'll realize that even after losing all you hold dear, you are still a part of the universe's beauty and majesty.

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