Dating: Do's & Don'ts
Dating: Do's & Don'ts

Ways to Be the Guy She Wants You to Be

Many women are giving up on dating because they can't find men worth dating. Here's how to be the guy she wants you to be — without giving up your soul.

Ways to Be the Guy She Wants You to Be

There's something really, really wrong about modern dating. At least, that's the general consensus you'll hear if you ask women. Most women are getting increasingly leery about dating and relationships, primarily because the men they're encountering don't treat women as people.

Many girls also are holding out to be with a man who fits their idea of a great, healthy partner. Have you ever wondered what women want in a guy, or what makes some men more popular with girls than others?

If you have a girl who you're crushing on, chances are that she's hoping you'll be a genuinely good dating option. Here's how to be the guy she wants you to be — and how to maximize your chance at getting the girl.

She wants you to be genuinely kind.

The biggest mistake guys make is thinking that being polite, or buying things with a smile on your face, is what makes you nice. Doing nice things with an ulterior motive in mind isn't being kind. It's being a Nice Guy (TM), and that's really not attractive to women.

Believe it or not, women can tell if you're just being nice to her in order to get laid. That kind of behavior is extremely manipulative and hurtful, and as a result, makes most women back away.

If you want to be the guy she wants you to be, be genuinely kind. Hold out doors for everyone, not just hot girls. Be kind to people, even if you know it won't get you booty. Befriend girls, not because you want to sleep with them, but because you genuinely see them as fun people.

She wants you to take care of yourself.

Both men and women are biologically wired to seek out partners that clearly are in good physical condition. Things like taking regular showers, wearing clothes that suit your body, and going to the gym do matter.

Even if you think looks shouldn't matter, the truth is that we all judge people on looks. It may not be fair, but if you want to be the guy she wants you to be, you can't look like you just crawled out of bed 24/7.

Dating is all about learning to be attractive, and much of that means you have to work at being physically attractive. After all, you wouldn't want to date a girl who looked and smelled terrible, would you?

The good news is that most girls aren't looking for perfection. You can date without a six-pack. You can date even if you have awkward facial features, too. It's about looking put together more than anything else.

She wants a guy who has good social skills.

If you work on being attractive, but still can't find anyone who wants to date you, then it's probably your personality and social skills that are killing your dating game. Thankfully, it is possible to improve your social skills — and by extension, your personality.

Part of being the guy she wants you to be is learning to pick up on subtle social cues. Most girls are very obvious when they want a guy to hit on them, and many also tend to send out clear signals when they are not interested.

Having good social skills allows you to avoid girls who may be unstable or uninterested, and also will give you the ability to become more attractive to girls worth your time. A little social awareness can go a long, long way.

Moreover, many guys don't have enough social awareness to realize how they come off to women. So, if you work on this aspect of yourself, you'll have an advantage that few other guys have — and you'll also be the guy she wants you to be on a date.

She doesn't want you to be disrespectful or creepy to her or other women.

Though this technically fits under the social skills umbrella, seeing men who are actually respectful and believe in egalitarianism for women is getting rarer and rarer every day. This is one of the most basic attributes a typical girl will think of when talking about being the guy she wants you to be.

Too often, guys actually think that it's okay to act like women are objects. They think that sending dick pics, bragging about side chicks, and doing similar stuff will get them points. They're wrong, and the truth is that men are starting to get a seriously bad rap because of these behaviors.

When girls hear about unsolicited dick pics or similar stuff, most women want to be able to say, "My boyfriend would never do that."

Even if you don't intend on dating that girl, you should never behave in a way that would make a woman ashamed of dating you. Otherwise, it's quite possible that word will get out — and that may make you strike out.

She wants someone who is assertive and not aggressive.

This is part of the whole avoiding the Nice Guy syndrome issue. Women want to see a man who makes his needs known and doesn't tolerate being led around. Nobody, male or female, respects people who are doormats. That's just not human nature.

Girls do want a guy who's assertive. They do want a guy who will leave them if they aren't being treated well. They absolutely want a guy who will openly say if they want to be serious with her.

Being a doormat will literally get you walked all over.

Being assertive and caring doesn't make you a doormat. Doormats are the type of people who sacrifice their happiness and well-being because they are hoping it'll make others like them.

Being strong enough to say no, strong enough to walk away, and being willing to say what you want doesn't make you a jerk. It makes you be the guy she wants you to be without having to sacrifice your sanity or quality of life.

She's also hoping you have a life of your own outside her.

Most guys can't stand the idea of dating a girl whose life goal is to be a housewife or a girl who has no friends, no career, and no outside interests. It's obvious why, too. Dating a girl like that would be boring, exhausting, draining, and potentially isolating.

Girls don't want a guy who has no life, either, and it's for the exact same reason. Dating someone like that is not fun, nor is it particularly enriching for one's life. At times, it's a surefire way to have a toxic relationship.

So, if you want to be the guy she wants you to be as a boyfriend, have a life outside of her. Meet up with friends, have a party, enjoy life at work, and you should be good to go.

She's also hoping that you'll show that she matters to you.

There's this very common misconception around the dating scene that suggests men should always be stoic, or that women only want men who don't care about them. This couldn't be further from the truth!

When in a relationship, or even going on a date, girls want to see that the guy they are with care about them. They want to see that they are a priority, that the guy isn't just there for sex, and that he legitimately wants a relationship with them.

Unfortunately, this is extremely rare to find. However, if you can be the kind of guy who gives flowers for no reason, you can definitely have this trait — and get girls all over you.

Lastly, she wants security — financially and emotionally.

Security is important, and that's true in more ways than one. If you want to be the guy she wants you to be, you have to offer her emotional and financial security.

Most girls want to be partnered with someone who they don't have to support like a grown child. At the very least, they want to see that you will support yourself and provide something to the relationship aside from your existence.

Moreover, girls do not want to be with a man who makes them feel insecure — or makes them feel like they are going to be dumped. It's a fine line between keeping an air of mystery and making a girl feel insecure, and sadly, most guys who like to "keep girls on their toes" don't realize this.

Basically, what women want is comfort and security. They want someone who is strong enough to be assertive, but kind enough to make them feel okay. Is that really so much to ask?

advice
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Mackenzie Z. Kennedy

Socialite and dating guru Mackenzie Kennedy knows all about the inner workings of people and society as a whole. It's not only her lifestyle - it's her passion. She lives in Hoboken with her pet dogs, Cassie and Callie.

See all posts by Mackenzie Z. Kennedy