Walking into a Mirror

I almost can’t remember the first time I met him or saw him. But I do remember the first time I looked into his eyes and into his soul! It was like a flash of lightning so many things came into mind, and I really fell in love at that moment.

He was safe he was home he was a wish come true. He was, if be careful what you wish for was a person. I didnt know that then but i would realize it soon enough. And eventually i would realize he was a mirror of myself, me a little younger and in a boys body. In the period of time we’ve known each other ive felt every emotion available to humans. And looking back im sure i’d do it again even the bad stuff.

I met him a couple years after my marriage was split by the universe. I just got done with going thru a huge dark night of the soul and spiritual awakening. And after many encounters with your basic 3d partner, i was craving something deep, something that could be felt on the soul level. And i got it, he was at first everything i thought i wanted in a partner, he needed deep healing and i wanted to practice healing. Everything i learned spiritually up to that point i wanted to experince it firsthsnd and that what he was or is, practice.

I also wanted to be released from the hold my husband had on me that bond was strong and I thought was damn near unbreakable and he released me so effortlessly. I will always appreciate that about this experience.

This is no fairytale, it’s a fairytale and nightmare together, it’s the complete definition of duality, polar opposites sharing the same space and time, happening at once, every encounter every detail every word every unspoken understood telepathic communication was heaven and hell, of ego and spirit, light and dark, a push and a pull. Pure bliss and pain.

He or we lied, was verbally abusive, he was a womanizer he cheated to get ahead he was cruel but then could be the perfect man you ever thought you wanted. I was manipulative and calculating,he showed me the very best of what he could be and then the very worst. Or maybe through my healing sessions I brought out the very worst In us both. Both of us are empathic and narcissist split down the middle and changing positions on cue.

I would spend hours sorting through his mess, healing and aligning every chakra every hurt every pain, I often cried so hard not my own tears but the tears he refused to cry. The first time we had a session I was physically sick for 3 days and I learned to ground myself to avoid that but besides that I enjoyed every minute of it, I was ok with soaking up this negative energy because the reward was so much worth it. I was rewarded by deep intense healing energy from him through sex, at first the energy was too much to handle but I learned how to contain it and use it for good use.

We had a few telepathic sexual encounters and I thought I was crazy until he spoke that he too was experiencing what I was. How amazing!

When I think about the hurt n pain I’ve felt. Or any other negative emotion it cancels itself out because I received so much healing, so much releasing, and a chance to love myself through loving another.

It took me 7 months to realize this man was a soulmate not just a reg soulmate but a split version of my soul, it explained the deep desire to care n nuture him, as if he was my child.

We went through almost identical trauma as kids and we even grew up right around the corner from each other. I wonder how many times did I pass by him and never even look in his direction. Divine timing is truly amazing we get who and what we need exactly when we need it.

Writing this is like therapy, im still living through this, but i know its time to look away from this mirror and face the next one. My heart is sad but grateful that i had the chance to even experience any of it. I will always love him because loving him is loving me.

Maybe he’ll read this by chance and if he does im sure he will smile like when we did when something was happening that only we were aware of or when one is lying and the other knows so we stop look into each others eyes smile and laugh.

The funniest thing is he knew what i knew the whole time and i thought he didnt for the longest. He would give me hints and clues every now and then, like a wink from the universe.

I unconditionally love you SMJ