Vicious Cycles vs. Virtues Cycles

“How did I get here? I’m enslaved to destructive habits resulting from a choice to say yes to something I knew was empty of meaning, destructive, and potentially addictive. “

After the divorce became final, although my children were a few miles away, that distance felt like the other side of the world. My job required that I travel both domestically and internationally. With that being the case and while still married, 2 weeks in London, São Paulo or Sydney felt closer to my Family than did the apartment a few miles away. My heart and my love and my life was and remains my family and specifically my children. When home during our marriage, I loved the bedtime routine/cycle of bathing my children and story time at their bed side! I cherished kissing them good night and knowing that as they closed their eyes to sleep they had the comfort of knowing dad was there and that he loved them and would protect them. This is not to negate that mommy was close by as well and just as critical. Now at the apartment I could no longer do those things and my pain was not about me but was about what my treasured children must feel without their daddy present! This was my greatest nightmare and struggle and haunts me even now! I have Extremely Strong thoughts and emotions still buried regarding how parents come to conclude that Divorce is the answer! With all this being the case....It’s my choices and actions throughout that led to a crises thrust upon my family that I must live with and seek to rectify. I have now learned that the only hope is for us as adults to find ways to embrace the imperfections in each other and realize that we are all flawed and in need of a little mercy and grace at times. In life things can blow up like a bomb and become so shattered they are not recognizable! Relationships, reputations, the family unit, businesses and non profits are all potentials. Deep seeded feelings and emotions are normal for people experiencing the destruction of something that they highly treasured. In most cases we can say, “it will never be ok, it will never be the Same, I will never get over that, etc.” and as long as we maintain an attitude of superiority, it will be nearly impossible to rebuild anything! The very cynical part of me struggles in today’s very aggressive climate to believe that people will seek to take the high road to renewing relations but instead have come to have more of an appetite for battle and division.

So, How did I get here? In my despair and isolation in that apartment after the divorce I sought to deal with my pain and disappointment in ways that would only lead to a Vicious Cycle and destruction to follow.”

Choosing Virtuous Cycles over Vicious Cycles

They are all around us and permeate each day, month and year of our lives. They are critically woven into the fabric of our existence and in the most foundational way, we rise in the morning by them and then lay down at night by them! Our sleep is described by them and the human body functions by them and in response to them. We should be thankful for the many involuntary cycles we are created with as a human being that allow us to live, breath, and function daily. It is to be noted that when one or more of these involuntary cycles slows down, becomes intermittent or stops, we usually end up hospitalized or worse. The purpose of this writing is aimed at a look at the Voluntary Cycles of life! These are the cycles that we Choose to engage with in our life! By our very nature, we lean toward behavior in cyclical form. Yes, there are things in life we can choose to do 1 time or just a few without integrating it into our routine or Cycle. Like it or not, it is the Routines or Cycles that we freely choose to participate in that will end up being a Virtuous Cycle or a Vicious Cycle! Check out the following very penetrating definitions from WikipediA:

“The terms virtuous cycle and vicious cycle refer to complex chains of events that reinforce themselves through a feedback loop.[1] A virtuous cycle has favorable results, while a vicious cycle has detrimental results.

Both cycles are complex chains of events with no tendency toward equilibrium (social, economic, ecological, etc.) - at least in the short run. Both systems of events have feedback loops in which each iteration of the cycle reinforces the previous one (positive feedback). These cycles will continue in the direction of their momentum until an external factor intervenes and breaks the cycle.”

I have experience with both the Virtuous And The Vicious Cycle. My hope in this is to simply be an honest and humble voice crying out to any who will listen, “the term Vicious is mild when describing the end results of damage that is done to ourselves, everyone and everything within our vicinity when we choose engagement of any type within the Vicious Cycle!” In addition, it may help someone reading this to know that they are not the only functioning, working and somewhat normal adult who loves their family deeply and knows right from wrong yet made a choice that led to multiple choices that has led to a Vicious Cycle. The help will be pointless if we only admit that we are in a Vicious Cycle. This we know and we must hold ourselves only accountable. The great part of this is that we intrinsically long for the Virtuous Cycles and Routines in life that bring us joy, peace, rest, hope, fulfillment and they are only a choice Or two away!

If you find yourself in the midst of a vicious cycle and need help, please please take a moment and find that person in your life that no matter what you face they will be there for you. Now reach out to them this week and tell them honestly where you are at and ask for their input and help. If you do t have anyone-send me a note through vocal and I will follow up with you!

Cheers!

Rick