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Unwelcome guest

Sometimes you have no choice but to open the door

By Natalia Perez WahlbergPublished 3 years ago Updated 29 days ago 7 min read
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Adobe Stock image by Tiko

“Knock, knock.”

Someone’s at the door… who could it be? I checked my watch, realizing how futile the action had been, considering I hadn’t expected anyone all day. And yet, here we were, someone knocking at my door and me hesitating whether or not to check who it was.

“Knock, knock!”

Louder this time. The sound startled me out of my thoughts. I had a feeling this was a visit I would not enjoy. I wanted to ignore it, but something inside of me was telling me that that would be futile. Reluctantly, I moved towards the door to receive whoever it was that wanted to see me.

I stopped, putting my hand on the knob, tempted to check through the peephole. I stood there a few seconds, when finally the third knock came stronger, resounding in my whole apartment.

“Hold your horses! You are gonna bring down the door, plus you are starting to piss me off!” I screamed through the entrance that separated us. “Oh! It’s you! Of course.” Disappointment. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, I was sort of expecting you, though, these days, you don’t always show up when you are supposed to, so don’t look so shocked when I don’t immediately open the door.”

“Well, I don’t like to wait, you know. And what is that smell? And what time did you get up, by the way? Have you even showered today?”

‘There we go.’ I thought to myself. The criticism. As soon as she stepped inside I felt fatigued, and excruciating pain shot through my lower abdomen.

I was secretly happy about her visit, but she was such a pain in the ass, that the feeling of reluctant joy was canceled by how annoying she could be.

“So, you’ve been feeling pretty positive lately, huh? Well, I guess not for a few days now, as you must have been anticipating my usual visit.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you tell me for once how long you are planning on staying?”

“I haven’t decided, but most likely for three or four days. Why? Got anything better to do? I don’t think that boy-toy of yours likes it too much when I’m around.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. He’s not a boy-toy, and he doesn’t mind so much, though you can truly be a piece of work sometimes. I probably would avoid you too if I could, but it’s not in the cards.”

“Oh, please, if you weren’t such a wimp you wouldn’t even notice I was here. But you make such a big deal each time… well, it is what it is.”

“You have got to be kidding me! So this is on me? You mean to say that I am solely responsible for it all?”

“Could be. Could all be in your head, you know?” She gestured her nose disdainfully towards me.

“You are something else, you know? The first day you come you always do this. It has to be such an explosion, you toy with my feelings, you make me feel like crap and then you say it’s all in my head.” The damn drama. I just wanted to kick her out but knew that was impossible.

“At your age, you know, you should only be so happy that I even decide to show up at all.” She smiled malevolently. What did she mean by my age? I wasn’t THAT old! “Have you gained weight, by-the-by? You look wider around the waist. And, what are you wearing? You look ridiculous!” I tried to roll my eyes, but instead, I looked down at my clothes. What was wrong with it? Oh, damn! I was wearing that old shirt with a pair of sweatpants.

“If you must know, I like to be comfortable when you show up. I can’t stand wearing jeans or anything slightly tighter than this.” I felt like I had finally won a battle.

“Psst, suit yourself, but it makes you look even fatter. Besides, didn’t you just say you didn’t know WHEN I was showing up? So don’t put it on me that you dress like a slob. I’m surprised you are even having sex, looking that way.” How did she do that? She always managed to make me ashamed of my body with every single visit. Plus, I did feel bloated and gross. I just wanted to curl up in the fetus position and hide until she left. But that wasn’t an option either. Not like my bank account was drowning in savings. I had to work. I couldn’t afford to not work, but I couldn’t focus. Her constant chatter and punishing pain that she caused me made it VERY difficult to concentrate.

“You know, if you can’t handle my visits, why don’t you take one of those pills you like so much? The ones that make you drowsy and drown me out? Well, at least, just partially. You know I never really go away, though you might not hear me so loudly at times.”

“Oh, shut up! I can’t think! You are especially tedious today! I have friends whose visitors are so quiet… But you, you just like torturing me!” Then, suddenly, an idea struck me. “You know, I could actually get rid of you permanently. There are surgeries for that.” I hit a nerve. She looked scared for a second, but I was sure she would call my bluff.

“You wouldn’t dare… “ Hesitation in her voice. I immediately noticed how she regained her composure. “Why, you wouldn’t dare! No woman ever does that willingly. Besides, you are too chicken-shit for that.” A sardonic smile appeared on her contorted face. “In any case, why are you even comparing yourself to others? Oh, right, I forgot. You just LOOOOOVE doing that. Makes you feel special, doesn’t it? You can play the victim role, right? Poor me. I can’t focus. Why is this so painful every time? I’m such a loser. I will never amount to anything… Booo hooo! Just take it and stop whining!”

If only I could punch her in the face! Or put her in the corner, or lock her in the closet! Ooooh, that was an idea. I smiled to myself.

“What do you look so happy about?” She looked at me up and down warily.

“Never you mind me. Want anything to drink?”

“Sure. A glass of milk. No, wait! Water. No, hold on… Oh, right, you don’t drink juice. So boring. Tea with honey? Yeah, I’ll have tea with honey. Earl Grey, please!” Ugh! Even deciding a drink was always such drama. I wanted to go to bed and pretend she wasn’t even there. Sleep for two days straight. I knew by the third day she’d be quietly sitting on the couch reading or minding her own business, which meant that I’d start getting in a better mood.

“So, has he called you today?” I didn’t need to ask who. I knew who she meant. “You know, if he really cared he’d be calling you, you know? How about your friends? Have you spoken to any of them lately? And what about your mom? If people cared, they’d be texting and calling. That’s what people do when they care. But you are such a waste of space, that nobody does care.” She’d laugh her disdainful, annoying laugh.

‘SHUT UP!!!” I’d scream in my head, as I knew it’d have the exact same effect as if I directed the words to her.

“Psst… you are so pathetic. You are so needy! Don’t you get tired of yourself?”

“What? Oh, I wasn’t listening. What was that?” It wasn’t really a lie. It was always the same spiel, or similar anyway. Always demeaning, always rude, always mean. I’d stop listening in intervals, but it was like her voice was echoing in my head all the time.

“I give up. I’m taking a Midol and sleeping. You do whatever you want, I don’t care!” I headed to the bathroom cabinet, grabbed a couple of Midols, knowing perfectly well that I’d get drowsy and completely incoherent within thirty minutes. Couldn’t wait! Anything to drown her mockery, drama, and presence, even though she might be waiting at the other end of that nap. But, for a couple of hours, if I was lucky, it’d just be my dreams and I. The aches and pains in my body probably subsiding as well, so win-win. I needed a little self-care and that was the ticket.

I grabbed Neil Gaiman while I waited for the effects of the pills to seep through my veins. I closed the door to my bedroom before she had a chance to give me a snarly reply.

satire
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About the Creator

Natalia Perez Wahlberg

Illustrator, entrepreneur and writer since I can remember.

Love a good book and can talk endlessly about books and literature.

Creator, artist, motion graphics.

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