Unwanted (Chapter 2)

It Hurts Like Hell

I woke up the next morning in a daze. My alarm blared its loud melody to wake me from an angry slumber. I had no desire to get up and join my girls for brunch.

Had the events of the night before happened? Was I dreaming?

As I awoke from a drunken oasis, I cried as if I had lost a dear loved one. I screamed and asked the universe, "Why couldn't he love me for me?"

I felt as if AJ owed me that much. I stood by him when he stood me up. I even stood by him when he quit his job like an idiot.

He could've given me that much, but that was way too kind of him. My head was swirling with so many intricate thoughts of how to get revenge. It made my body tired and drained me emotionally. I was in such a state that I didn't realize that I was dialing the numbers to reach my best friend Sharla.

Sharla was a "no-nonsense" type of girl when it came to dating. When AJ and I started dating, she advised, "I'm watching you AJ. You hurt Topaz, and you'll regret the day that you ever crossed my path."

"Lady Topaz," Sharla yelled with excitement.

I immediately started crying.

"What's wrong, girl?"

"AJ broke up with me last night."

"Wait. What? Please tell me you're pranking me," she fumed.

"No," I sobbed. "He told me that he didn't think he could handle dating a transwoman such as myself and then he blocked my number."

"That butthole," she yelled. "I'll be over there in an hour. Let me round up the girls. Brunch at Dani's can wait. This is an emergency."

"Girl, it's okay," I whispered.

"No. It is not okay, Topaz. That boy talked all that noise about trans rights and being comfortable with himself and then plays you. Hell no it is not okay."

I started to regret even telling Sharla what happened.

"Okay, Shar," I said defeatedly. "Let me shower and get myself halfway together."

An hour later Sharla, Tanille, and Denzel showed up at my door with grocery bags, wine, and herbal remedy.

Denzel came in with his androgynous spirit, singing "I bust the windows out his car."

I laughed. It felt so good to be surrounded by those that loved me. I felt needed. I felt validated, yet I felt unwanted still.

Tanille and Sharla headed straight to the kitchen as Denzel opened a bottle of Moscato wine.

"Girl, now what did that little boy AJ do this time?" Denzel said rolling his eyes.

"He broke up with me via text message. He said he had been thinking..."

"As if he could think," Tenille said as she adjusted her golden tresses.

"Girl, apparently it was eating him up."

"But not enough to tell you to your face like the man he claimed to be," Sharla said with a matter of fact tone.

I could tell that the shade towards AJ was growing like a thunderstorm in the Summertime.

As we continued to talk Denzel's phone buzzed.

"Denzel, I know you're not over there hoeing when our girl is going through hell right now," Tenille said.

"Who? Me? Nope. But AJ just hit me up on the app."

"You're lying!"

"Nope. I'm texting him back now."

"What are you saying to him D," Sharla inquired.

"You've messed with the heart of a Pisces. You've crossed the line when that Pisces is the friend of a Virgo. Now go in peace before I find you, little boy," Denzel said with anger and vindication.

"The nerve of him just breaking up with my sister and then trying to get with me. How dare he? We don't do those games here in Brookland," Denzel continued.

Denzel continued to text in a fury.

"What is he saying, D?" I asked.

"He's saying that he never meant to hurt you and all this trash. I simply told him to go to hell and get off meth before I call his probation officer," Denzel fumed.

"I hate him so much right now," I yelled as tears stung my face.

"What did I do to warrant this?"

"You didn't do anything. You took a chance on love. This isn't a reflection on you. This all reflects on him."

By this time I had plopped on my love seat with Tenille comforting me.

"Girl, as transgender women we have it hard in this field of dating. These men don't even have the testicular fortitude to admit that they are attracted to us, much less care to love us. Honey today let's just watch movies and move on."

"Okay, girl. It hurts like hell. That's the way it feels."

literature
Yannick Taylor
Yannick Taylor
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Yannick Taylor

Hi. I'm Yannick. I'm a Black Transgender Woman. I am a recording artist, blogger, and Vlogger.  I write about Transgender Rights, HIV/AIDS education and more!!! Follow me on Twitter: YannickTMusic

See all posts by Yannick Taylor