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Unwanted Chapter 1

What made me undesirable?

By Merlin MystiquePublished 4 years ago 4 min read
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A story based on the song "UnWanted" by Yannick Taylor

It was an October Saturday. The air was crisp and clear with the essence of Autumn in the air. Since the air exuded pumpkin spice and sweaters, I decided to stay in and cook that night. The week had been strenuous, but the excitement was scheduled to arrive. The love of my life, AJ suggested that we meet at my place and have dinner and watch our favorite movies.

It was at 7:30 PM that I noticed that I hadn't heard from AJ since we talked on Facetime a couple of hours prior. I decided to give him a ring.

"Ring, ring," the phone uttered. It went straight to voicemail. I began to panic. I quickly texted him.

"Babe, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I have something to get off my chest," AJ responded.

"Tell me when you get here," I texted in an aura of curiosity and worry.

"I can't wait. Topaz, I won't be seeing you tonight. I won't be seeing you ever again. I've been thinking this week and I've tried to fix myself."

I tried to find some type of resolve as to what was going on. Surely this was a sick joke.

He continued in the text, "I just don't think I can date a transwoman."

I couldn't believe what I was reading. I tried to call him again, but the voice on the other end responded: "the number you have reached is no longer in service."

I threw my phone in anger. I screamed as tears poured out of my eyes.

Was something wrong with me? Why didn't he just tell me in the beginning that my transition was going to be an issue for him? I began to question my entire existence at this point.

I felt as if everything on the shelves of my soul had been knocked over. I simply wanted an answer as to why I was unwanted. Why couldn't AJ tell me what turned him off about my trans-ness?

Was I not pretty enough? Was I not woman enough? Did his masculinity suffer because I am a proud, Black transgender woman? I had questions that demanded answers.

I tried once more to call him but from my burner number app. The voice replied yet and again, "the number you've dialed is no longer in service."

I marched into my kitchen and opened up the bottle of chardonnay that had been chilled. Instead of drinking to love, I drank to numb the pain I felt inside.

I turned on some music and on came the voice of Yannick Taylor singing her hit "UnWanted." With each inflection of her voice, I bit into the cheesecake that I made. I hoped that it would calm my nerves, but it obviously did nothing to heal the wounds.

My mind began to wander to what my friends would think, especially my girl Sharla.

I could hear Sharla yelling, "I told you he was trash."

I could hear laughter as if I was Carrie with pig blood on my white prom gown. I felt as if the world as I knew it had crashed down upon me. My heart and soul had been dismembered.

After putting my phone on "do not disturb," I ran myself a nice hot bubble bath in hopes that this would be an awful nightmare. I put on some nice smooth jazz instrumentals and covered my face with the warm pink towel.

I replayed the day that AJ and I met. AJ was working as a delivery guy for UPS. His muscular frame stood out to me from underneath the brown uniform. I was waiting for an important package for my home studio.

"Hi, is Ms. Topaz James available," he said in a smooth baritone voice.

"I'm Ms. James, but please call me Topaz."

"I will need your signature here."

"Sure. Would you like some water? It is quite warm in this July heat," I seductively offered.

"No, thank you. I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime, Topaz."

My pink parts tingled with excitement. I wondered if he could tell that I was trans. Before I could give him a response, he smiled.

"Yes, I know."

"What is it that you know," I inquired.

"That you're transgender. I saw the bumper sticker on your car. I've only dated androgynous people and I have always wanted to be in a relationship with someone of the trans experience."

"Well, Mr..."

"Alan Jerome Dyson. Just call me AJ," he coolly responded.

"Okay, AJ. Meet me here this Friday at 7:30 PM," I said as I handed him my business card.

From that day forward we had eight months of bliss that I thought would last forever.

breakups
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About the Creator

Merlin Mystique

Hi. I'm Merlin. I'm a Black Transgender Woman. This is My Evolution

Twitter MerinMystique

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