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Unsupportive Friends

by Megan Wesby 8 days ago in friendship

and realizing when it's time to cut them off

Unsupportive Friends

Over the past few months, I'd been considering having a Lipo 360 + BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift) surgery done. Not because I'm unhappy with my body but because it's something I want to do for myself. Recently, I lost quite a bit of weight and have made it down to size 8 but have loose skin and some fat I'd like to "move around", if you will, so it looks more appealing to me.

For those who are unfamiliar with the procedure, my research has helped me to understand that the Lipo 360 is a simple liposuction of the midsection, love handles, and lower back area of the body which "snatches" the waistline and gives a slimmer appearance. Sometimes, they also take fat from under the arm around the bra area, the chin, or inner thighs to get enough fat to fill the hips and buttock to meet the client's needs. This fat is collected in a sterile container, cleaned, and then reinserted back into the body wherever the client prefers. There is nothing artificial in this surgery.

Since I already have fairly decent sized hips, I would want the fat reinserted in my buttock and perhaps inner thigh area to tighten and round out the skin while also giving my legs and thigh a "thick" appearance and some projection to my butt (which is rather flat). This would give me the look I desire with a small waist and plump round bottom section.

While researching, I had found a reputable double board certified doctor with an accredited operating room and excellent results. He even performed his entire surgeries live on Snapchat and YouTube for his audience to see while answering questions and addressing questions which is what made me comfortable with the fact that he's not hiding anything or botching bodies.

Of course, this is not a decision I am making over night. My plan is to research it for a year and then decide if I still want to do it. I was excited, though. Joining support groups on FB was helpful in gaining other perspectives on not only the surgery itself but alternative facilities, locations, and doctors. Seeing results of other dolls (that's what ladies are called in this "community") and hearing their feedback on the facility, doctor, and procedure itself was helpful in my decision for the doctor I'm considering.

I had decided to keep this to myself until I got it done and then wait and see who notices or doesn't notice. But, while looking into it, I realized I'd need someone to care for me at least for the first 3 days of the healing process. There is an option of staying in a recovery house with other dolls who've had the surgery where a team of women assist us and take care of us while we heal but that can get quite expensive and I realized it would work out better if I had someone close to me care for me while we're in a hotel. Not only that, but it would cost much less.

When I thought about the people in my life who are close enough to me to see me bleed or drain fluids and who would wipe my backside after a bowel movement, feed me, bring me water, and help me walk every 2-3 hours the only person that came to mind was my best friend of almost 15 years. She has been there for me in nearly every situation I've encountered in life that I'd consider personal and I trusted that she'd be the perfect person to care for me if she was up for it.

Bear in mind that I haven't decided for sure nor have I even set a date. But I wanted to know, for myself, if she was going to be as excited as I am or if she would be cool with caring for me. I was almost certain she would be because she always had been. So, I gave her a call and we talked about it. I let her know I'd decided to get the surgery and asked if she'd do me the honor of taking care of me while I heal.

Her immediate response was, "I won't be able to get that much time off." That was odd since I not only never gave her a date for when I want to have the surgery but I hadn't told her how long I'd need her to care for me. It seemed to me like she was just prepared to say 'no' regardless of what I said. Her tone was also convincing me that she didn't want me to get the surgery at all. I'm sure she has her reasons but my research has shown me that having someone take care of you who isn't 100% supportive of what you're doing can be detrimental to your mental health while trying to heal.

I began to feel regret. I shouldn't have called her. I should have kept it to myself and just stayed at the recovery house so women who have been doing this for years can make sure I get the care and attention I need. Needless to say, the conversation ended on a less than savory note and I hung up the phone feeling like I shouldn't have said anything at all.

I've really come to notice how important it is to have people who support you be there to help take care of you because it's a very painful recovery and it puts the doll in a very vulnerable place emotionally. Having someone there who doesn't fully support you or who truly doesn't want you to get the surgery or especially who just doesn't want to be there can be harmful in more ways than one.

So, I decided I would need to just stay at the recovery house because I don't have another friend who's close enough to me to take care of me in this way and I'm single so I don't have a partner who can take care of me. If, by the time I'm ready to have the surgery I haven't entered a relationship or found a friend who's close enough who can take care of me, I'll have to stay at the recovery house and then finish recovering at home on my own afterward. I know I'm strong enough to do it, I just really wanted my best friend to be onboard with me.

And that's not even the worst of it. She's been showing me lately how little she actually cares about me. When I call her, she usually doesn't answer and I rarely get a callback or even acknowledgement that I've called her. When I finally get her on the phone, she seems irritated; almost as if she was busy doing something else and I interrupted her but she answers out of perceived obligation to not "hear my mouth" later on but inside she wishes that I hadn't interrupted her. So, we sit there staring at each other. Me, giddy and grinning and excited because I'm so happy to see her and her feigning a smile and placating my questions and inquiries about how she's doing.

There was also a recent time on a separate occasion where I asked her—the person who was with me when the doctor said they suspected I had Hodgkins Lymphoma—to explain to my baby sister what was going on with me and she couldn't even remember! She got it all wrong and I had to jump in and correct her. That hurt.. I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did but it was a clear sign she just didn't care.. not even about my health condition.

The straw that broke the camels back was when she broke a 15 year tradition by not speaking to me on New Year's Day. Every holiday and our birthday's we call one another and stay on the phone until after midnight to celebrate together. When I still lived in Florida, we'd hang out. But this year, things changed. I called her around 11:45pm on December 31st and she didn't answer. So, I waited for a callback but it never came and, eventually, I fell asleep.

The kicker is that the next day my baby sister sent me a screenshot of her story where my best friend had commented and said, "Happy New Year." What?! She said Happy New Year to my sister but has yet to even return my call? She effectively broke a 15 year tradition and didn't even seem to care about speaking to my own sister before speaking to or addressing me. That did it for me. I messaged her and let her know I was deeply hurt by what she had done. She explained that her phone didn't ring when I called the previous night and she called back but I didn't answer. I didn't care for her excuses, I was already done.

She had done enough, up to this point, to show me just how little she actually cared about me. It was time for me to let her go.. and so I did. I told her I didn't like how I felt but that it wasn't good and I was unsure as to how I would handle it. I unfollowed all of her social media and pressed "ignore messages" on her FB message chats. The only way she can contact me is through my actual phone number since FB messenger is always to blame for her not getting my calls.

The funny thing is, we're almost halfway through the month of January and she hasn't reached out at all. That, again, is either her being egotistical and not wanting to reach out to me first because I am the one who stopped talking to her or, she feels like since I am the one who needs space that I'll reach out when I've had enough (rather than coming forward and showing me that she cares about me and wants to talk to me), or once again, she just doesn't care and would prefer to be talking to and interacting with other people.

She has no problem showing lots of love on both of my sisters' and even my brother's social media but I can literally count the amount of LIKES and comments she has put on my posts. It's almost like she goes out of her way to avoid saying or doing anything on social media that has to do with me but she drops a heart and a comment on my sister's post within seconds of it going up. Perhaps that is the giveaway of how negatively she speaks about me privately so showing love to me publicly would make her look stupid.. but why is that fair when I'm supposed to be her best friend?

If it weren't for knowing me, she wouldn't know anything about my family. But turns out my sister's call her before they call me to talk about things and I have to find out from my best friend about what my sister's are going through. That's not cool. It's been this way for years and I've just been so comfortable with calling her my best friend and relying on her to have my back that I hadn't realized she's been emotionally detached from me for years and has been behaving like someone who's been talking shit about me behind my back. She seems disgusted and completely put off by me and I don't know what I did, if anything, to contribute to that. She just doesn't care anymore and it shows.

I've decided I don't want to be friends with her anymore. I haven't felt like a friend to her for quite some times and the fact that she was ready to decline my request for her help while I heal from surgery without even knowing when I was having it, she broke a 15 year tradition, and then she spoke to my sister before ever saying anything to me on the New Year.. even an acknowledgement that I'd called her, is reason enough for me to realize she's not being a friend to me and I'd be better off not speaking to her anymore. After all, we went from speaking at least once a day to me not hearing from her for days at a time if I'm not the one reaching out to her first.

I hate to be the one to say she's behaving like a bitter ex, but she is. We used to date for at least 6 of those 15 years we've known one another and it seems if I'm not dating her, she treats me like she doesn't care about me.. which is odd because she and I have had arguments about her still being friends with her ex girlfriends and keeping in constant touch with them even while we were together. But here it is almost a full 8 years since she and I have dated and she's acting like I'm a thorn in her side.

I don't want to make her seem like a monster because she's not. When she cares, she's a joy to be around. Over the years, we've both grown in our own way and it's just painfully obvious we've grown in different ways. She's just being who she is now and if she doesn't care about me enough to want to support the decisions that make me happy or keep in touch with me on a regular basis then why call her my best friend? Why put her under that unnecessary stress or give her a title she's doesn't care about or desire to live up to anymore? If she'd rather give her LIKES on social media to my family rather than to me and if she can't even remember that I may have Hodgkins Lymphoma then what kind of friend is she? She would be a better friend to someone else. And now, she has that opportunity because I'm bowing out gracefully.

friendship
Megan Wesby
Megan Wesby
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