Try Harder Than That

Remember chivalry? And dating? Where the guy picks you up in his freshly washed vehicle, wearing something he clearly planned out, opens your car door for you while telling you how nice you look? No? That’s kind of where I’m going with this…

When I started writing these posts, I made a decision to try to keep them positive and avoid complaining or passing blame. That said, while I express my disappointment in the current dating climate, I will try to stay positive and avoid blaming the underwhelming dating pool of guys. No easy task.

I recently sparked up a conversation with a guy I met a couple of years ago, who at that time was dating a friend of a friend. I had always thought he was hot, he’s a firefighter which is hot, and he seemed to be a pretty good guy. I knew they had broken up not long after we had met, so on a whim one day, I added him to Facebook and almost immediately after that, we began chatting for hours at a time. And so it begins.

After about a week of talking we arranged to meet up for a drink, I was super nervous, I hadn’t been on a real first date in about two and a half years. I was also pretty excited. We were coming from opposite directions so we decided to meet in the middle, which makes sense. Not at all romantic, but practical. Ever since making the plan to meet, I had the feeling he would cancel or flake or something, I couldn’t explain why I just had a feeling.

Turns out, I should be predicting horse races instead of wasting time dating. When I arrived, finally found parking and messaged him (not called, because who does that?) to tell him I was just about there, he said he had lost track of time at the gym and hadn’t left home yet. So, I was pissed—and disappointed. I didn’t know if I should bother to stay and wait, maybe find a parking spot where I was less likely to be towed, or if I should just go home. But I had washed my hair for this “date” so I stayed.

While waiting for him—for 45 minutes—I was pondering how to handle his tardy carelessness. If we continued to date I didn’t want him to think that kind of thing was acceptable. At the same time, I didn’t want to start out by sulking and being upset with him. As soon as I saw him, I knew it didn’t matter either way.

He showed up in a wrinkled hoodie and cap, clearly, he had put as much thought into his ensemble as he had into his timeline for meeting me. He was barely apologetic, saying he just lost track of time, apparently, that happens now and then. We talked for about two hours, mainly about how much he loves his dog—I also have a dog, I love her dearly, but there is a limit to how much one can gush over a pet on the first date—and he expressed how much he hates city girls—fortunately, I’m not one, but the bitterness was not cute. I finally asked if he even knew what I did. Of course not, he was totally focused on himself. Such a waste of my perfectly executed outfit.

Overall, this date was a disaster. What blows my mind is that I doubt he even realized how bad it was. The standard of dating is so low that just showing up (late!) is considered adequate. To top it off, he didn’t even offer to walk me to my car, at night, downtown. I actually laughed to myself as I walked away. How did romance go so awry?

In a world where dating apps offer endless, immediately available options, it’s not hard to see why the effort and romance have been lost. I’m looking for an optimistic way to conclude this story and I’m struggling… it’s rough out there ladies. So I’ll end by stating my personal determination to wait for the guy who makes an effort, is genuinely interested in getting to know me, values my time as much as his own, and appreciates that I choose to spend it with him. They still exist and I won’t settle for less.