Treat you like a queen
Discussion on dysfunctional relationships, fwb and men
"I'll treat you like a Queen"
As I walk the toward my room I hear "way you screamin' scratchin' yellin'..bet the neighbors know my name." Not fond of the song, I quickly write throughout my journal the lyrics lingering from Khadijah's room and quickly search on YouTube to realize it's a single from Trey Songz, "Nieghbors Know My Name." I like the song alot, and plan to listen repeatedly when I get the chance. (I have the strange habit of listening to the same song repeatedly if I have never heard before or want to learn the lyrics.) I walk over to Khadijah's room and knock politely. A male's voice yells, "who is it?" followed by a chuckle from Khadijah. "Hey! It's Marie." I should just take my behind back to my room knowing all well what's going on. The second I turn away, Khadijah opens the door and out walks Darrel from last night. "I'm sorry Khadijah, I can always come back later." Without really looking my way she gracefully brushes past me and opens the window in her room. "Girl just come in." I shyly sit onto a nearby chair, "Y'know Lala told me to come by after class if I wanted to go to Ibiza with you guys tonight." Khadijah fiddles with a weak cigarette lighter, holding it closely to a blunt. Inbetween inhaling smoke she speaks. " Uh, yea we going to Ibiza near eleven tonight. You in?"
"Yes.. What is Ibiza?"
" It's a night club."
"Oh.."(I tweedle my thumbs idiotically.)
"You got ID?"
"I have my campus pass..is that enough?"
"You'll be fine. It's ladies night, eighteen and up."
(Long pause of her breathing smoke into the window screen.)
"You sure I didn't interrupt you from..well..y'know?"
"Girly, I wouldn't have open the door if you was. Darrel nothin' special to be honest."
"Oh naw.. Khadijah never let good dick jus' up and leave so soon. That can go." ( She lightly chuckles, tapping the blunt onto her knee.)
" He's your boyfriend?"
"Hell nawl..if I need some dick, I call him up, we fuck, talk a little and thas' about it."
"You never had a friends with benefits?"
"Believe it not, I've never dated or had sex."
"Phew, chile' you are definitely something different."
" I know..(tweedles thumbs) When or if I do, I want to wait for the right guy."
"Good..because most of us wish we waited too. I wish I waited but it happened.. Don't let'em fool you though, any girl if she honest will say that. I think it's commendable."
"Yea..most guys aren't shit in the first place."
"Why say that?"
"Because I know.."
"Not all guys are the same."
"Says you..every last dude I've fucked wit' got baggage. Real talk..My dad was no good.( Inhales smoke.) My stepfather ain't shit..my last ex cheated on me. But..thas' a different story because we weren't exclusive. And to be honest..(exhales a long puff of smoke)you look like you can keep a secret right?"
"Darrel got a girlfriend. He jus' call me up when he wants, y'know."
"That don't bother you?"
"No..long as I keep quiet, and he keep quiet..we good. Can't stand talkin' to him though. But I respect his honesty. Aint' nothin' like fuckin' wit a dude who got a girl and don't say..trust I know."
" Don't get it confused.. I rather a man tell me wussup, than not. I've learned to cut'em off quick if they bring you their shit. Got enough issues.. Last thing I need is more problems."
"Oh.. I could've sworn you and Darrel look nice together."
"You sweet..but nawl. (Breathes smoke into the window screen.) I like to keep'em at a distance..that way he neva' ask me for shit, and neither do I. It's that simple."
"Don't you ever want to talk, or go on a nice, romantic date?"
"Until I meet that kinda slide, then yes. But none of the guys I know..specially Darrel def' not that kinda guy, y'know?"
"Might find me one t'night. And maybe you too."
"I guess. Highly doubt it."
"Don't knock it till you try."
"You got a club dress?..I take it that you haven't been to a club."
"I have a dress..but I don't think it's club worthy."
"You'll be good. Some girls wear nothin' but a bra and leggings. Jus' find somethin' nice."
"I will.. Ima leave now. But what time should I be back?"
"Jus' be back twenty minutes before eleven."
As I leave she hops off of the window sill and says without really looking my way, "You cool. It was nice talkin' to you one on one." (I'm surprised, Khadijah shows very little emotion.)
"Thanks, I'll see you later."
We finally arrive just a little over ten minutes after eleven at Ibiza. A long line forms nearly toward the side of the building. Sky skids the sidewalk of her lazily slump (wearing eight inch heels and a thin mini dress just slightly below her private area.)We learn on the train ride here, she's wearing no panties. Which is a laughing matter to her as she clings onto Tanya's shoulder as a human walker. She's beyond tipsy. As Khadijah predicted earlier, and to my surprise throughout a nippy evening, there are girls literally standing in line with nothing more than a shaw or an enlarged scarf to cover their half-dressed, shivering bodies. Of leggings and bras, or one could say (bedazzled one-piece swimsuits), I'm completely overdressed ( wearing a purple Sunday dress with ruffles upon the sleeves and neck area, black hose and no name knee-high boots from..Payless. My grandmother bought this dress last year, and since then I've lost more weight. My body is lost within a purple tent.)Khadijah and Tanya pair nicely wearing all black, leather blazers and thigh high boots. Lastly, in the back of us is Kristen and Lala, whom kept it simple wearing boyfriend jeans and long sleeve sweathers. Lala is having an emotional conversation with someone over the phone, her attention elsewhere but coolly manuevering each block we walk without a care in mind, every now and then answers from reoccurring pauses, "mmhmnn, really, that's fucked up." As we near the front of the line, I notice a hefty-size bodyguard frisk a group of girls head to toe. "Does he have to check everyone like that?" Tanya recorrects her glasses, "Yea girl, they check everyone to make sure no one is carrying firearms, weed..ligour..you get what I'm sayin'." Sky reaches into her bra and playfully dangles a pint of Ciroc infront of us, takes a sip and twerks, "Can't wait to shake my ass..bow..bow..bow!" As we near the front I hear, "No Hands" by Waka Flaka Flame. Lala places her phone in her jean pocket, "Damn..( discreetly lights a blunt) y'all not gone believe what I jus' heard from Niecey," ( passes the blunt to Tanya.) "Homegirl said her boyfriend broke up wit' her..y'now a little after we left..(frowns at Kristen, who quietly looks away) beside that other situation from before (eyeing Khadijah and Tanya, I assume they're in the loop of something I have no idea about) she movin' out for good from his apartment..an' well..yea." Khadijah cracks her knuckles throwing her head aback, "Fuck my life." Tanya rolls her neck, "Why?" "Because, bitch gone be annoying the fuck outta' me more. I like it when she not in the room as much." Tanya says, "That's a bit mean to say Khadijah." Khadijah rolls her eyes, "Y'all don't know Niecey like that..I went to high school wit' the bitch..She aggy as fuck." Tanya says, "The girl is going through a hard time as is, we should check on her after we leave." Sky is being frisked and happily lunges into the club before us all. My sides begin to tremble from how loud, "My Chick Bad," by Ludacris is playing. Initial high expectation of plush booth seats, large marble tables or a few chairs here or there gradually turns into a desperation to gain breathing space. I see why girls dress the way they do, as the air inside is humid..hot and rather an exausting adjustment to slyly remove myself of drunk girls rudely tussle or shoulder bump me as they stumble toward the bar area. I look over and see Khadijah and Tanya throw up imaginary gang signs toward eachother when "Black and Yellow" (Wiz Khalifa) begins to play. Sky aggressively twerks against a random guy, thus Lala is leaning against a wall deep in conversation over the phone. Suddenly, I feel my phone vibrate from within my purse. Kristen taps my shoulder with a cup in hand, "Take a sip, loosen up a bit." I reach into my purse and realize my phone is ringing. Of all times, mind you an entire week has passed and now my grandmother decides to call. "Ima answer this, ill be back." ( Relieved, yet, nervous I walk briskly toward the front and call her back as I cross the street. I do this purposely as to keep a neutral appeal. I should be in my dorm.. studying. She always answers the phone in such a worried disposition, "Marie, are you okay? Haven't heard from you." "Im okay, grandma' (before I can finish my sentence)"What's that noise, I hear somebody in the background?" (I think quickly) "That's my roommate. She's in the room," ( I look to my left and see a group of men talking) "I hear a man." (I walk further away from the club almost half a block) "My roommate has her boyfriend over. It's Friday you know visiting hours are now." ( Her response is typical of her to say, she's extremely blunt.) "You'd think the girl take her ass elsewhere wit' that mess.. I'm tellin' you young girls have no sense these days..jus let a man all over you when he want it.. And where he want it." (At least I swayed her attention.) "It's okay really. I'm about to go to bed anyway."
"How was your studies today?"
" Good. Good"
"You eat today? You barely eat now."
"Well, I gotta tell you somethin.."
"What is it?" (Everytime she calls, a bit of gossip tied with drama is in the midst. I've learned to quietly listen, sugar coat my words and simply respond as little as possible if it pertains to my father.)
" Your father is late wit' the light bill..again. I don't know what I'll do after a while if this keep happening.." (I accidentally sigh aloud without lifting my face away from speaker.)
" Marie..you there?" (No offense, but apart of me is just plain tired of overhearing her complain about bills. The light bill being her favorite. If she so much has to pay beyond a payment arrangement amount, therefore, restricting her from other expenses..cheap wine and lottery tickets. A long, and very awkward confession is in due time. Throughout the years, I've earned placement as voice of reason, and many a drunk evening on her behalf as amateur therapist.)
" Yes.. I'm here."
"What!? That girl in the room listening to you?"
" No..no. How much is the bill?"
" Damn near two hundred dollars!"
(I just listen)
"Can you believe it! Marie...If I have to come outta' pocket again this month I don't know what I'll do. Your father..bless his soul, can be no help sometimes." ( After hearing that, this conversation will have no end if I don't come up with a solution.)
" I might have some book money leftover."
"What is that?"
" I was given a waiver from off my scholarship to buy books. I think I might have some money leftover. I'll get the rest sent to me next month in a check."
"Wait..a minute. You ain't buy all your books?!"
"No, no.. I bought all of my books. I just might have money left."
" What day is it?"
"Its the seventh." ( Anytime before or after the first is completely a blur, or rather unimportant. She spends nearly all of her retirement check typically before the second week of a month on bills and other activities I need not know. I get it, utilities are expensive.)
"Hmmn..I'll let you know on that. That's book money. I wouldn't feel right, specially if you need."
" Well, if you need I'll try my best to help. Ima' go on to bed."
" Okay. Be in touch, Marie."
As soon as I click off ( I have a motorola flip phone) a tall man of six feet and slim figure approaches. His skin is the equivalent color and temperance of warm cedarwood throughout a fire.. soothing but too smooth a sight to touch. Too good to be true, (from what my grandmother would say about attractive men) "got more shit hangin' onto em' than a woman got clit." So to speak, always expect a man to lie first and receive the truth later if you are willing to go further in a relationship. Men carry baggage. (Of course from what my grandmother would say. Nevermind individuality, or other factors of the human mind. This is my grandmother I'm referring to for insight.) All common sense escapes my mind as soon as he talks, "I saw you from across the street and thought to myself..I gotta talk to that girl." I fiddle with my phone and look down toward the sidewalk. I make myself speak, but if you can hear me talk I sound like a preteen girl getting asked to dance at a school party. Coy, muffled. No faking here, I have zero charisma. "Oh..me?" (He smiles sweetly.) "Yea..how old are you?"
"Figures..You know you're very beautiful."
" Thank you. I guess."
(Comfortably places hands in his jean pockets.) "I guess?!..You're very beautiful..if you were my girl I'd treat you like a queen."
"Aww." ( Still panning the sidewalk for dear life.)
"What's your name?"
(Reaches to shake my hand.) "My name is Brock."
"Nice to meet you Brock."
"See what I'm sayin', you should smile all the time.. You got a nice smile Marie."
(I fail to realize I'm smiling.) "Thank you."
" Listen.. I'd like to talk to you again, Marie. You seem like a sweet girl. Gimme' your number." ( I also forget to realize at the moment he didnt ask, instead I blurt my number, allow him to briefly hug me and watch him walk away.) Khadijah, Lala and Tanya walk toward me. From the expression on their faces I could tell they watched me talk to Brock from afar. Lala yells, with smoke coming out of her mouth within the same breath, "Guuurrrlllaahhhh, you actin' sweet! Lookather she barely can speak!"
(Tanya snatches a blunt from Lala's grasp.) "Aww, girl, you get his number?"
(Khadijah twirls.) " Jus' how in the hell you grab a good one OUT- side the club?!"
(All I can do is shrug.) " I dont know. It jus' happen."
Lala says, "Guurll, you ask his age?"
Khadijah says, "What about where he work?"
Tanya says, "Does he have kids?"
Lala grabs hold of her blunt, inhales deeply, then says, "You didn't ask him anything?"
Khadijah interjects, "Y'all know she a virgin, for real."
Tanya corrects her glasses once more, "Oh, see, now I understand. Take it very slow, Marie. Say no unless you want to do it with him."
"Gawt (got) dayumn (damn) for real, what is this.. Just say no." (Khadijah's voice emulates Smokey Bear.)
Tanya, "No, I just think she ought to know. We got you, girl."
"Thank you guys."
Khadijah, "Yea we got you."
Lala, "An' next time you want to leave the group, let Tanya or one of us know. It's not safe to leave alone."
( I feel like I'm speaking to three aunts, supposedly older sisters. Either way, for once I feel included in conversation or girl talk. Despite Khadijah openly confessing I'm a virgin.) Sky rushes toward us and drunkenly slips from jogging in heels.
Lala cackles aloud, "Bitch, think you should've worn some flip flops..flats..somethin. You can't walk for shit in heels."
Khadijah, "Girl, she not leanin' on me."
Tanya, "C'mere girly ( Sky leans onto her) ..let's jus go. It's dead as fuck in there."
Tanya, "Where's Kristen?"
Sky removes her heels, "She left awhile back on the bus."
Lala, "She ain't say nothin'?"
Sky, "Can we get a burger?" (Looks to Khadijah.)
Khadijah, "Come again?"
Lala, "Khadijah, we know you the only one who jus' got paid."
Khadijah, "Let that be the last you know pay day."
Sky, "Please Khadijah, I'm bought' to fall the fuck out."
Lala, "Bitch you work at the school book store..Two words..BI-WEEKLY."
Khadijah, "You gawt (got) nerve. Sell more weed than all southeast combine an' you sit up an ask to order from the dollar menu."
Lala laughs aloud, her cough is muffled beneath a dry smirk, "And?! What?"
Khadijah, "Bitch, you own a rolex and a gucci belt. Don't get me guh. I saw your closet."
By now Sky and Tanya have walked before us, they sit at a nearby bus stop. Sky wraps her arms around Tanya, they rock slowly back and forth.
Sky, "The floor talkin to me Tanya."
Lala, "Damn, you should lay off of the bottle Sky."
Khadijah, "Says the human pipe. You smoke more than anyone I know."
Lala, "Guurrll..dont. Foreal you gettin' me guh..gettin' me guh, gettin' me guh."
Tanya, "Don't worry Sky, ima order us takeout when we get back."
Khadijah, "CAN- not believe tonight was so dry. I need me somethin' new. I got dressed for what?"
Lala, "Speakin' of human pipe..(cackles aloud) how's Darrel?"
Khadijah, "You mean small dick Darrel."
(We all laugh, I'm hesitant but from hearing her earlier speak so casually of Darrel, I felt I knew a different scope of things with their so-called romance.)
Khadijah, "Please..he does the MOST. If not at all. It's a struggle."
(Lala and Tanya try hard to muffle their laughter.)
Lala, "Lemme' guess he got the limp dick syndrome."
Khadijah, "Every.. single..time. No foreal. Y'all kee keein' an' shit but im spittin' the truth."
Tanya, "Well jus' leave him alone."
Khadijah, "Fuck..How?! He keep callin' an' text me like twenty, thirty times if I miss a call."
Tanya, "Aww, see he like you Khadijah. Give him some credit."
Khadijah, "Ah what?"
Lala, "Oh, I know, what he like. Foreal. And it ain't what you want to think Tanya."
Lala, "Lucky for me, I like women. Men don't do it for me."
Khadijah, "Im lucky if I cum once on top..an' you know bein' a big girl that shit aint easy."
(Lala coughs from exhaling more smoke.) "Bitch, you guh. I say drop him."
Sky, "The bus is coming!"
Lala, "All day long this girl been outta' her senses. But she recognize a bus. Cold must've sobered her up more."
As we board the bus to campus, I double check my phone to see if Brock has called. I flip open to realize my grandmother called twice as I listened to Khadijah and Lala talk. I'll pretend I went to sleep early and call her in the morning. I wouldn't dream of calling her on a bus, be it anywhere beside my room.