Traveling with an Elderly Parent

I remember taking a trip from St. Louis to Kansas City with my 92 year old father. I had a lot of trepidation. He was coherent and had his wits about him. But new environments sometimes confused him.

At first, Dad had a little trouble navigating the hotel room (which was next to ours.) On hindsight, I should have booked a suite and had him stay with us. Or at least reserve an adjoining room.

Despite a little frustration, the trip went smoothly. It turns out, that was our last jaunt as a family. Soon after, his health declined and he was unable to travel.

How Do you Know if it is OK to Travel with an Elderly Parent?

This AARP article provides all the basics, like planning ahead, taking your time, etc. But one tip got me thinking...Try traveling by train. It is less hectic, and allows you and your senior parent, more quality time together.

Another added benefit: Older people fondly remember traveling by rail. In fact, my dad was really disappointed when we decided not to take the train to Kansas City. We figured logistically, it would make for a difficult trip.

Looking back, I realize now that I was so wrong. Even though the train would have added two hours, and then you have the added burden of renting a car, it would have been worth it.

I still remember the look of disappointment on my dad’s face when I told him we were going to drive instead.

We could have spent the extra time allowing him to reminisce about his days of getting from point A to point B on a locomotive.

I have to remind myself that a trip isn’t always about the destination.

This Reddit thread really hits home. The OP says she feels guilty about not wanting to travel with her elderly mom, yet goes anyway, and the “vacations” are difficult:

“Trips are an issue because I have to be her travel companion. She has no one else to go away with and lacks confidence to do anything solo. She won't even drive anywhere different.

I go on trips with her at least twice a year. We already have a week booked away in June. She has asked me if I'll do another trip in September as she needs to do things and have memories "otherwise I will die regretting things".

That is one big guilt trip the mother is laying on her. Mom refuses to travel by herself, and the OP is getting married soon and won’t be able to travel as much with her.

I say, try to find group vacations for Mom. That way she can travel with her peers. It takes you off the hook, and your mother can met more people her age, and possibly develop friends to travel with in the future.

Apparently, other Redditors agree with me:

“Your enabling her to not thrive. She has you so she doesn't need to make friends. She has you so she doesn't need to figure out how to get places. She has you so she doesn't need to figure out how to entertain herself.

What you're doing isn't sustainable long term especially once married. Are you thinking of kids because you must know this schedule is madness if you have a kid.”

This discussion resonates with me. We traveled several times with my dad in his later years. Some trips were easier than others. I think the key was, we kept them short and less jam packed than if we were traveling on our own.

As the commenters so rightly pointed out: Traveling with an elderly parent twice a year is insane. Unless, of course, you have the patience of a saint, and I do not.