Trapped

by Raquel Avery 2 years ago in friendship

A toxic friendship

Trapped

I never asked you for anything, yet you made your world revolve around me. I was flattered that you liked me so much to the point you almost instantly got attached to me; it made me feel special, however I didn't like being your only focus. You built a home around me to protect me from others, it seemed sweet at the time. At least until I realized it was you I needed to be taken away from. I was held captive in a place where I could feel myself going mentally insane, but, on the outside there was a beautiful disguise to cover up what happened on the inside. The moment I walked into your trap, you made it almost impossible to escape, you locked the doors behind me and the windows were fake. The walls were filled with spiteful words. Every time I began to find a way out, you would pull out a gun, you didn't put it to my head but to your own. Many times I tried to convince you that you’re better on your own-with me long gone out of your life, but each time those words came out of my mouth, it filled you with rage, and because of your anger you would threaten to take your own life until I was convinced I had to stay. The thought of your blood being on my hands if you went through with what you said was too much for me to handle, so I comforted you and I told you that you are so much stronger than you thought and you can handle your mental battles. When I told you I'd stay, you thanked me for what I've done, then a couple days later it was back to you making me feel like I have no self-worth, I'm the reason you hated your life and wanted it to be done. I knew I needed to get out of this, I could no longer handle the emotional abuse, but leaving was harder than anyone would think, when I first met you things were so sweet. I wanted to hold on to the thought of you being a good person, that way I could go on my own path and you'd be happy on your own as well. To the world you're just an annoying kid, but deep within your anger is built up and you blamed me for everything you've been through. You're the most toxic person I've come across and for a while I let you win the battle we were in. The lies you told filled my mind; I still have your words engraved in my brain, forever they will stay but not as something to shed tears over. They will be a lesson for me to look back on, a realization that I got through something I thought would never end. During six months in time, you turned almost everyone I know against me and you were quite satisfied, you repeatedly confessed your hatred for me but wouldn't leave my side. When I asked why you stayed, you told me you're here to watch my life fall apart and go straight to hell. Here I am now, I have plans for my life, I'm using my talents to let out my pain from inside. I've got a new job, I'm enrolled in college too, and though I still feel empty, I'm a lot better without you. I'm well aware that you were hurt by some of my actions, but I never intended to harm you in any way, I just wanted you to be okay. My hate for you still runs deep, but it's slowly going away. However I still cringe and my heart skips a beat every time I hear your awful name. I'm hoping one day you'll be completely erased from my memory and you'll forget about me.

friendship
Raquel Avery
Raquel Avery
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Raquel Avery

I write simply to share my stories and get things off of my chest.

Twitter & Instagram; raquel_marieee

See all posts by Raquel Avery