Toxic Spell

Imagine you are lost in a maze filled with all of the stuff that happened in the past. That's how my life is. It all started when I left my last relationship. All I could think of was what I could have done better and how I thought I messed it all up. I cared too much,and had a lot of rage. I never showed the feelings that I was hiding inside. People will tell me all that time I messed up the best relationship I ever had. They didn't know how it felt to see the one you loved happy with someone else. To know that you are stuck in the past and may never get out. People think they understand me but they never will. I really want to get out of the past but I don't think I will. I don't think the relationship was ever meant to last. Neither do I think it was ever real. Still till this day I think of what could have been. A relationship that really had to end. It wasn't my first or my last. Just the worst part of my past. At that point I thought everything was going to end. In the end does anyone really care? We all lose feelings for people but some think it's best to stay. I never really had a first love, nor do I think it's going to happen soon. We are all so young and right now we don't even know what love is. Love is just a feeling. Like all the others you can gain or lose take or receive. I'm still not over her. I don't know what to do anymore. She and her ex broke up and we started to talk as I was losing feelings for her. She seems so helpless now. Why would anyone ever break her heart? She is so wonderful and amazing. I want her back and everything but I'm afraid she wouldn't want me back. Every time we talk she always brings up her ex and it's so painful for me to hear. I wonder if I can just leave. Not just school but the earth. She is still talking about him and they haven't been together for months. I think I'm falling for her. It's sad I had two people ask me out but she is holding me back. My friend told me she liked me the other day and I was sad. I know I should have been happy because she is so amazing and sweet, and is someone I know that would do anything for me. But I just can't get over my ex. My best friend told me to get over it because she used me. I think he is right but I don't know if I can. It's like she has that type of spell on me. I wonder if I should tell her. Her best friend said that she was never over me in the first place. I don't know what to do or think. I honestly don't want to be cheated on or lied to again. I don't know if I should believe her. When? When did she start liking me ? What should I do.. does it make me look bad if I stay? She’s just going to ruin us like she did in the past. Temptation is killing me. I was so hurt, and I don’t think I can endor that pain again. But when I look into her eyes everything comes back. Seeing her one last time wouldn’t hurt as much as I think it will.