Too Nice

During my junior year of high school, I started dating this girl. I fell for her hard. I think it was because she was sort of broken, like me. Her taste in music, her view on life, she was crazy smart, extremely beautiful, both inside and out. She was amazing. Her dad didn't allow her to date, so we would always have to sneak around, meet at random places and just hangout. I loved being with her, hearing her laugh, seeing her smile, just sitting with her and staring out at the world. I fell in love with her pretty quickly, and even though we had to hide from almost everybody, it was great, or it was for me at least. At the end of the school year, she left for a bible camp, she was going to be gone for two weeks, and wasn't allowed to have her phone. Not being able to see her, or even talk to her, was horrible. I hated every second of it. I couldn't wait for her to get back. The morning she got back, I texted her, she didn't reply, so I waited a few hours and texted again, still nothing. I got a little worried, but knew everything would be okay, and just carried on my day as usual. I didn't hear from her until late that night, when I got her text, I just about fell out of my chair with excitement. I couldn't wait to talk to her, see her, hold her again. But when I read the text, my heart sank. "I'm sorry, we need to talk." I knew something bad was coming, so I tried to prepare myself for it, tried thinking of solutions before I even knew the problem.

Her: god I'm such a bitch... I'm sorry.

Me: You're not a bitch, sorry for what? whats going on?

Her: I am a bitch, you're gonna hate me.

Me: You are not a bitch, stop saying that, and I could never hate you, that's not possible, now whats wrong?

Her: I met someone at camp.

Her: He's really nice, and I needed someone to talk too because I didn't have my phone to talk to you.

Her: I can't see you anymore, I'm sorry.

I put my phone down. my heart broke. I mean, it actually broke. I could feel it break into a ton of tiny little pieces. I gave this girl everything I had. I loved her. I thought she loved me, but two weeks apart and she's already completely over me. I picked up my phone, not sure what to say. Too much was going through me at once. I was mad, broken, completely torn apart. I felt like crying, and I hadn't cried in years.

Me: Can we be friends still?... I just, I can't lose you completely.

Her: I don't want to lose you either.

Me: Thanks, I gotta go, TTYL

I turned my phone off and went for a walk: walked all night, not even sure where I was going. When I finally got home, everything was gone, except for the rage. So I punched a hole in the wall. Man that felt good.

Fast forward a couple years, we're still friends, but we don't hangout much. I would love to, but she's still afraid of being in public with me. I graduated last year. College didn't work out for me, my social anxiety was way to hard to deal with out there. So I'm back home, working as a butcher.

She texts me one day saying her dad is now monitoring her phone. I never liked him, so I told her I would help. I bought her a phone, and a prepaid plan. She gave me money to cover three months. After that I took over the payments and told her not to worry about it. I mean, it was her, how could I not?

A couple months later, she left to finish high school at a university. I told her if she couldn't get enough scholarships to pay for it, I would help her. We didn't talk much after she left, I was still paying for her phone, now paying for a semester of school. She only ever texted to remind me of payments. I would try to start conversations, but she would never be interested.

She finished school and came back to attend graduation here. She was valedictorian. I don't remember the whole speech, but near the end she said something like: "Don't let other people take care of you, don't let any one else pay for your life," something like that. I couldn't help but laugh, it was pretty fucked up. All that time, all the shit I did for her; paid for her phone, sent and received mail, paid for her school. I thought I was helping out a friend. Turns out I was just being used, because I take care of the people I care about... the second she no longer needed me or my money, I didn't hear a word from her. I felt like absolute trash. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that you can see someone who cares about you so much, as nothing more than a pile of trash with money. Something to use until it's no longer needed. She broke me, I don't know if I can ever come back from something like this. Maybe I am too nice for my own good.