It’s said that you become most like the people you surround yourself with and spend the most time with, I guess that’s why it’s so hard to lose someone you’re close to. In the act of losing someone you once shared everything with it’s not the only thing at loss, you lose a piece of yourself too.
When I lost the two years I spent baring my heart and what could have been, I felt like I had suddenly lost all of the best parts of me. My laugh didn’t sound the same, my smile didn’t appear as often, my sense of joy seemed to vanish.
But even worse, the walls that were once ours are just mine now. Those walls keep me up at night reminding me how they held your things and kept inside our laughs. Maybe it’s the walls, or maybe it’s my mind that hasn’t forgotten that this room I now reside in used to keep our kisses and our secrets. How lonely it feels to wake up without you there or to fall asleep wrapped in a cold sheet that’s now replaced what was once the warmth of your arms.
I know that as it always does, life will go on with or without you. As I lose you I continue to find myself, who I am and what I long to be. I fight every minute of every day to rediscover my joy but for the reason being my own and not just the cause of someone else. With every sunrise I feel more and more like myself, a new and reinvented version.
When your heart is in pain you don’t believe in an antidote. We’ve all been there,
The type of heartbreak that makes you not want to get out of bed in the morning.
The type of heartbreak that when it’s new and fresh, you feel as if it’s going to last forever- but as everyone who has experienced that kind of heartbreak knows, time heals all wounds. Not to sound like a cliche, it's just the raw truth.
I spent so long thinking I found my other half.
I spent years thinking I was just that, a half. I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to be just a half, I want to be whole on my own. I’ve begun to feel complete and at peace with my mind for what it is and who I am. I’ve begun to fall in love with myself. Thus when I’m faced with a new love I’ll know it will be real for I do not need another soul in order for mine to be whole, it will then just be pure and honest love.
I don’t believe you ever truly get over the loss of someone you spent years with- it just becomes easier to live without them. As time passes it slowly heals the hole that was left in my heart. I’m learning to live a contented life on my own- something that once seemed foreign to me. The longer I suffer without seeing your face I find myself slowly forgetting your features. I know your brown eyes glisten gold in the sunlight but suddenly I’ve lost that image in my head, just as I know your smell will always act as a blanket of comfort, but no longer can I remember that feeling.
How wrong it feels to slowly forget the features that make you, you. Perhaps that was my mind’s way of coping, pushing the things out I missed most so that there’s no longer something to miss.
I will heal. Life will continue but not as the way it was before for now I am stronger having dealt with this pain. A new and reinvented version of myself now lives, creating the surroundings I deserve. As I look back to this passage I spent a year coming back to, I have blossomed in ways I didn't even know possible. I don't look back at my past with anguish and sorrow, I look back thankful as it was curated who I am today and hope for a better future.