To the Toxic friend that wants me back.

It's over, In fact it's been over a long time.

I've deleted your number. You aren't on anybodies social media anymore, and all of your pictures have been thrown out or put away. Those who are still friends with you know not to bring you up around me and those who do bring it up, I answer, non-maliciously "Oh, we don't talk anymore." Or a simple "We just didn't work out."

It's taken some time to get to this point though.

The temptation to apologize for the things I said and did was overwhelming and felt like forever. It took a lot of self control to resist myself to unblock your number just to text you or call you. Just to see you.

Just to see how you're okay.

You've stopped calling me in the middle of the day for emergencies. After knowing just about everything about you for so long, I have no idea what your life consist of now, and frankly, I'm glad.

Recently you have been trying to talk to me again, though. Showing that you want to put the pieces back together, and maybe that this could be forgiven and we can just move on.

But here's why I can't do that.

You almost ruined me. I was stuck in this loop of all you're emotional baggage, me apologizing for it and you pulling me into more and more of these dramatics. I was stuck in this loop of forgiveness for so long that It became ridiculous. It was emotionally deteriorating and addicting beyond compare. I was convinced that it wasn't serious, that everything I did for you was okay because I care about you, because you had the potential to be the person I first befriended and that you were worth it.

But, I started listening to those around me, though, that's the thing about third-parties. From an outside perspective, the true ugly of any type of relationship can be revealed, and that's exactly what happened.

I finally got the courage to take off those rose-tinted glasses to see for myself, how destruction our behavior towards one another was. I realized that this wasn't something that could just be fixed, that it was going nowhere and the faith I had in you was false.

You have to believe that it wasn't easy to leave. It hurt, no matter how heartless I felt just leaving. I needed that to shield my emotions. Because I had to get out. I needed to get out for myself, as well for the both of us.

While I do believe in second, and third AND fourth chances, this isn't one of those cases. I gave you them, time after time, after time. I believe people change, but I can't trust you the way I did before, we can't just go back to the way it was before. It's not that it's too soon, nor is it that I just can't handle it. It's that I refuse to be beaten down so completely again.

Maybe you have changed. Maybe you regret what you did. Maybe you made the adjustments that needed to be made, and just want things to go back to normal. While it's a chance, it's one I'm not taking. Because there is also the chance that you just miss me and things will only back to the way they were before and I don't want that.

I don't wish badly towards you. In fact it's the complete opposite, I hope your life had only gotten better since the moment I left it. While we might just be people in passing, only learning from one another along the way and it didn't work out. That's NO REASON for me hope you don't do well in life and succeed. You deserve as much as anyone. I just don't belong by your side and you don't belong by mine.

The future is hard to see. With No one knowing what come next. We don't really know what's going to happen to us and maybe, we'll pass each other again. Maybe things will be SO different that we'll decide to try it again, and maybe, this time it might work out as planned.

Right now though, we're both better off this way. That's a decision I've made and I'm sticking by it. I'm not sorry and I'm not sympathetic I recognize what is best for my own health and well being, and this is it.