To the Guy Who Saw Me as a One Night Stand
But you lead me to believe it was more.
You wouldn’t stop messaging me, snapping me, and you wouldn’t stop trying to get my attention. To be honest, I had no problem with that at all. I had just gotten out of one of the most toxic relationships of my entire life and for someone to pay attention to me the way you did; it was nice. You asked my what my favorite color was and my favorite childhood memory even though you really didn’t care. You told me you wanted something real and long term but that was a lie too. I finally gathered my thoughts. My anxiety ridden, second guessing thoughts because I said to myself, "if he wanted to just hookup then he wouldn’t be trying so hard to get to know me.”
Oh boy, was I wrong. I gathered the courage to meet you at the local seafood place on the beach. You wanted to meet at 9:45 and the restaurant closed at 10. There was the first initial red flag. You didn’t want to be seen in public with me. You didn’t even drive to the restaurant, you took an Uber because you had already been hanging out with your friends and I could smell the alcohol on your breath. I ordered but my stomach was in such knots because I was nervous and upset all at the same time. I knew what you wanted but I didn’t want to believe it was true because I didn’t want to let anyone down. I still never do. You were busy stuffing your face and I was playing with my straw in my water. You ate my food because I didn’t touch it. I wanted to go home and go in my own bed and forget that anything had ever happened. He asked if I could give him a ride home because he didn’t want to Uber again and it was right down the street. I took him home. I didn’t say a word and neither did he. I let him get out of the car but I stayed buckled then in an angry voice he asked me why I was still in the car and that I needed to come inside. Anxiety over took me, I didn’t want anyone to be upset with me so I just went inside. Still not saying a single word for each other, he poured me a drink and him a drink in his small one bedroom loft. I sit down but he tells me we should watch a movie. So I do. He starts kissing me. My neck and everything. His breath smelling like Jack and Coke and while he is getting his spit all over me like an octopus stuck to a rock, I feel like I’m going to throw up. I close my eyes and before I knew it everything stopped. I didn’t move the whole time. I felt like pants off and my shirt lifted up and I heard him snoring. I finally opened my eyes. I wanted to find my clothes and get out of there as soon as I started to move he whispered , "you should leave.” I should leave? Me? I was so upset and so angry I couldn’t be happier to leave his presence. I find my clothes and put them on and I don’t say a single word. I slam the door not looking back. It’s daylight now looking around I know exactly where I am. I drive by the same house everyday. I go home and lay in my bed as I wanted to the night before and I start to cry.
You didn’t want to know my favorite color or what my favorite childhood memory was.
You didn’t care that for the past year and a half I had been given black eyes, scratches, and felt so used. You didn’t care because that’s what you did to me. You used me and you didn’t even ask if I was okay with it.
It’s now 3 years later and this is the very first time I’ve ever shared that story.
It’s 3 years later and I want you to know even though you only saw me as a one night stand, I’m much much more than that.
I’m probably the coolest girl you’ll ever meet. I have blonde hair and blue eyes and I love Frank Sinatra. Sloths are my favorite animal. My favorite color is cobalt blue and my favorite childhood memory is hanging out with my dad in my watermelon bathing suit when I was three.
I deserve a lot more than I was given, I only accepted what people gave me because I thought I’d never be hurt again.
I’m a much stronger person because of you and I’m much more than a one night stand.