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To the ex who promised we would stay friends

I hope you're happy with her

By Cora MackPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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To the ex who promised we would stay friends
Photo by Andrew Petrov on Unsplash

To the ex who promised we would stay friends. The ex who swore up and down that we would never leave each other's side. The ex who begged me not to leave him. The ex who talked to me every single day for three years after we broke up, because we were friends first. The ex who made it nearly impossible for me to fully move on because I didn't want to make him jealous or upset. The ex who turned to me for advice on women after we broke up. The ex who came to me for everything. The ex who took three years to get over me. The ex who now pretends I no longer exist,

This one is for you:

I know exes don't usually stay friends. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I agreed to jump from a relationship to a friendship literal minutes after breaking up with you, especially considering the nature of the relationship and how similar the two actually were when you take the sex and the I love yous out of the equation. But I will say I genuinely felt like our relationship was stronger as friends than as partners and I think you eventually came around to that mentality as well. At least I thought you did.

But knowing what I know now, maybe you were never really my friend after all. No matter how many times you insisted you were a friend first and that you wanted to be supportive of me and my dating life, it somehow always turned into something about you. About how you were still single. About how no one was ever interested in you. About how yet another girl ghosted you. About how bitter and lonely you were. About how you were just so done with dating, again. You you you. Your struggles Your problems. Your fears. Your life. You. It never mattered how the conversation started, what was going on in my life and in my head, it always ended with us talking out your shit. Easing your mind. Fixing your problems.

Obviously things got weird with us after a while. I stopped wanting to go any deeper than small talk, which meant we didn't ever have much to talk about anymore. So naturally you took that and ran, you wanted nothing to do with me anymore. God forbid there be a genuine understandable (and fixable) reason behind me not having much to say to you anymore. I had nothing to say therefore I held no entertainment value for you anymore. I'm sure that's pretty much all the thought that went into your decision making process. But it never once crossed your mind that I stopped talking because you stopped listening. I stopped talking because my friend stopped caring.

It's not totally out of this world for exes to be friends. And for a while it worked for us, I guess. Sure, I didn't feel comfortable talking to you about my dating life for a while and I definitely hid some things from you because of that. That's not exactly the ideal healthy friendship I had in mind. But I suppose every friendship has some kind of boundaries perhaps.

They say if you can make it past seven years with someone then it means you'll stay friends forever, or something like that I think. Well, it's been 8 years for us. You finally met someone else and you have no idea how fucking thrilled I am for you. But it also means we no longer talk. Ever. We're not even friends on social media anymore. I remember when this conversation came up between us - what are we going to do if our new partners don't like us being friends? Originally we had agreed that if new partners weren't ok with our friendship then those people were not meant to be our partners. Then it evolved to: I guess that's a conversation we'll have to have with the new partners then.

The last time we talked, it had been several weeks since I had heard anything from you. It was your birthday. You essentially told me that you had no interest keeping people around who were incapable of having a real conversation. We had a good talk that day, probably the first one we'd had in close to a year. For the first time in a long time I felt that I was allowed a voice, and I let you know why I had stopped talking to you. I also asked you to respect me enough to just tell me if you no longer want me in your life instead of ghosting me like it seemed you had been in the process of doing. You agreed.

I guess that was too much to ask though. I guess one simple line of communication took more guts than you have. I don't know how much of a role this new partner played in your decisions to completely abandon me but I genuinely, truly hope she makes you happy. I can truly say without any hesitation that I am utterly thrilled for you and your new relationship. I can't put into words how happy it makes me to know that you are finally not alone. But it deeply saddens me that you immediately abandoned our friendship as soon as you became "official" and you couldn't even be bothered to update me about it, as your friend. We still may not have remained friends had I been in your shoes, but I can assure you I would not have left you in the dark like you did to me. I didn't ditch you after entering new relationships. I didn't ditch you even after moving in with my new partner. I stuck with you through everything despite my initial decision to end our relationship. I'm genuinely sorry that I've lost one of my closest friends and I'm even more sorry that it took three years for you to do it, like that of all ways too. Coming from the person who has always despised being ghosted, I'm honestly in disbelief that that is the method you would choose to use on me, one of the people you were closest to for the past eight years.

Be well, stay safe, enjoy your new relationship.

By Lasse Møller on Unsplash

friendship
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About the Creator

Cora Mack

-Losing myself one day at a time, picking up the pieces as I go. Welcome to my mind-

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Instagram: @photography_genetics -or- @klutzybutterscotch

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