To the Best Friend Who Wasn't There for Me
An Open Letter to the Best Friend Who Wasn't There for Me
I have a ton of friends. Only a handful do I consider close, true friends. When I got pregnant, I lost a lot of friends that I never thought would leave my life. But, I'm thankful that I got to see their true colors. I made my peace, I cried, I cursed them, and I ate my weight in Ben and Jerry's. Now, months later, I'm watching one of my best friends go through the same thing. She's not pregnant, but she's going through a hard time and I've watched as some of our close friends who were supposed to be with her till the end, turn their backs on her. This is an open letter to those people who weren't there for their "best friends" when they needed them most.
I needed you. I needed you to just be there for me. You didn't have to say anything. I always thought our friendship was more than words. I just needed someone to hold my hand and even if it wasn't going to be okay, to lie to me and tell me that it would be. I wanted a shoulder to cry on and to know that I wasn't facing this horrible world alone. But you have proved where your priorities lie, and I'm obviously not one of them. That's fine. I get it. I thought I was more important to you than that, but I guess not. But don't ever call me your "best friend" again.
I don't need an apology. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to hear that you're sorry or that you're here if I want to talk. If you had been there in the first place, we wouldn't have to talk about this. So please, save your sappy text for someone else. Telling me you still care about me makes me dislike you a little bit. It makes me feel like you could only care about me when it isn't a burden to you. And I'm sorry if I hoped you would help me carry this burden. But isn't that what friends are for? To help you through the hard times? To listen when no one else will? I don't care how long I've known you, how many times you held my hair back when I drank too much, or how many weekend trips we took to visit each other during college. If you can't be there just to lend an ear and ask if I'm okay, then don't call me a friend.
I never thought that this is how our friendship would end, but you blatantly ignored my cries for help. I turned to someone else, someone who wasn't supposed to be as close as us, and they were a better friend to me than you were. As grateful as I am for them, it should've been you. I'm not trying to lecture you. I just want to be clear on why I don't want to be your friend anymore. I don't want to be your friend anymore, because after this it feels like we never really were friends. Like the last however many years have just been a lie. I'm not going to do anything crazy. I won't burn our pictures or that shirt you gave me (I really like that shirt). And I will still look back fondly on the memories I do have with you, but I can't trust you to be there for me ever again. There will always be a part of me that wondered if you ever cared or if my problems fell on deaf ears. We can't just move past this and pretend it never happened because you betrayed my trust in the worst way. You didn't run and tell people my secrets, no. You decided to ignore my secrets when I needed you to hear them the most.
I trusted you to be my friend. To listen. To hold on no matter what. Yet here we stand. We might as well be on opposite ends of the Earth. When we go to the bar and I see you, I won't be mean. But I won't do a shot with you either. When I run into you at a party, don't ask me to dance to our favorite songs. And please, don't text me asking me why we can't talk through this. The fact that you can't understand that you kicked me while I was down is all proof I need that I can't talk through this.
I wish you the best though. I hope the world is good to you. I hope our friends are always there for you the way I needed you to be there for me. I pray you find love and happiness in every corner and true friendship when there's darkness. I hope you don't hate me. Although, I don't see why you would. I promise to keep the secrets that we did have. And when I pass by you, I'll still smile. I'm sorry it had to end. I truly believed it never would. Remember that the next time a friend tells you they need you. Maybe you can be there for them.