To Say NO Will Make You Happier

People think they must always say yes to new chances. They are afraid that if they say no, they will miss out on money, enjoyment, and other opportunities. They don't respect their time if they always say yes.

We say yes to everything that comes our way without thinking. We don't frequently consider saying "no" to be a talent. If our boss asks us to turn in a report by the end of the day at work, we answer, "sure thing." It causes us to be distracted from our job, forcing us to put other things on hold.

There was never any fear for me, no fear of failure. If I miss a shot, so what?

– Michael Jordan

In our personal lives, we frequently say yes. We say yes when friends invite us out when we have other things to do. Without thinking about it, we do a favor for our friends or acquaintances. Even greater things that we don't desire, we say yes to. We accept occupations that we do not enjoy. We begin relationships with persons with whom we have no romantic feelings.

What motivates us to do this? We are frightened to say no, to disappoint others, and to avoid conflict. We often say yes out of habit as a result of the stress of saying no. Then we whine or blame ourselves, saying things like, "Why couldn't I just say no?" And when it comes to relationships, we're worried that if we pass up an opportunity to settle down, someone else will.

I see this often with relationships at work. You spend time with a person at work so often and if you feel physically attracted to each other it easy to start a relationship. If you start a relationship, you cannot ‘kind of’ want it. No, you should be in love. Saying yes doesn’t always make you happy.

Other People’s Expectations

Learning to say no can save us a lot of time and stress. While we are afraid that we have to let people down, the opposite is true. People will start respecting you more when you start saying no. People perceive that as a strong character trait.

It’s time to stop doing things to live up to other people’s expectations. You don’t have to do things you don’t like. If you don’t start saying no, and keep doing things you don’t want to do, you begin to dislike the person you are trying to please. Saying no is not only for your benefit but actually by saying no, you are thinking about other people as well.

If you say yes to a night out with your spouse and you don’t feel like it, you probably won’t be in a great mood. It’s not fair for your spouse if you are not present mentally. If you rather go out the next day because you are tired tonight, say so. Your partner will respect you for that. If she doesn’t, we have to explain why we say no. And encourage them to say no when they don’t want to do something as well.

Conforming to other people expectations can impact your life’s outcome. When you say yes to one night out, when you don’t feel like it, doesn’t have huge life consequences. But sometimes it is about choices that will influence our life outcome. When parents expect their children to go to university, the children often give into that.

We are all unique and have things we want from life, asking people to do something they don’t like is not fair. If you don’t wish to go to university because of a good reason, then don’t. We have to follow our passion and make our own path.

Say No To Noise

We should say no to everything that is noise. Greg Mckeown, writes in his book Essentialism about how the ‘disciplined pursuit of less’ allows us to regain control over our choices. Mckeown says that many successful people in history were ‘essentialist’, people who can separate the essential from the non-essential in life. Saying no is a way of showing what you consider ‘essential’ by saying no to everything that is noise.

About the importance of saying no, Mckeown says, “ yet as hard as it can be to say no to someone, failing to do so can cause us to miss out on something far more important.” When we have a purpose in life, everything that doesn’t contribute to our purpose, becomes noise.

When we want to live a stress-free life, we have to choose “no”. Saying blindly yes to invitations from our colleagues, friends or family causes us stress. We often regret saying yes for days. We worry about damaging our relationships. We worry that we burn bridges. We worry about what people would think if we say no. We live in an abundant world. By saying no you don’t miss anything. The world is filled with opportunity and beauty.

We think we are not good friends or colleagues when we say no. You’re not a bad person when you say no. Once we start saying no, we lose the fear of disappointing people and find out that it wasn’t that hard. We find that we replace the noise with silence and clarity. We enjoy the things we do say yes to more. We become more present and happy.