To my fiancé

To my fiancé. I hope you know that I truly do love you, Granted things are hard right know I know it isn't easy me being between jobs just trying to make ends meet and to be completely honest with you a lot of the time I'm not sure I can. Then I turn around amid all the chaos and stress life brings between the ups and downs, the I cant stand you, the i love you your there.

Always and undeniably there always smiling trying to cheer me up through the darkest of times. Yet through it all you loved me you carried our daughter our beautiful girl who thinks the world of you, you are the only reason I keep going.

Just to think that times couldn't get tougher for us a pandemic hit, not just us but the world over. It seemed as if time itself had stopped but we knew it didn't bills still had to get payed I still had to feed my beautiful family so we struggled, our little girl got sick I've never been so angry and so helpless all at once before and yet again you carried us through it and our baby girl has never been better.

and although things aren't picking up as fast as id like were getting there i just hope you follow me and don't think I'm insane on the way there

I Love you.

That's all I could every truly say to you. Now yes i know we have our tiffs and trust me sometimes we get bad. sometimes it feels like we've said things that we weren't supposed to but we seem to always come around simply to the fact that after we almost rip each others heads off. and sometimes when we argue or get into our disagreement's I just cant seem to understand why your mad. Now correct me if I'm wrong but this seems to be a mostly a problem that men have, and well me being a man i tend to think what could I do to understand her better? Yet I always seem to come short in some aspects, I truly wonder what it could be I wounder if its as simple my upbringing being as that I had much older parents than my peers.

That being said I was raised like most of my friends parents were, my father believed firmly in the whole men don't cry mentality and my mother although she didn't really disagree with that she was more along the lines of I'll give you something to cry about. So I wouldn't be surprised if in turn that has made me callus for a sever lack of the phrase, or as my fiancé likes to put it a hard ass.

Now I don't know if this is just another one of those things that will always and forever be debated or if this is simply just me failing to understand the underlying concept's of marriage. However I do know for an absolute one hundred percent fact that I'm in the wrong and I want to change but its difficult when you've got absolutely no clue what your doing. and when its personality related which I believe it is, I know that there's some deep rooted issues in my head somewhere but my trouble is trying to figure out what and how exactly. What is it in either man or just me alone that makes this so difficult?

Honestly the real questions are how do I change it and how do I find it? To me it truly is a mystery but what I do know is that our age and inexperience makes dealing with these things difficult but we always make it through and that's thanks to you I truly hope we make it to the end.