To Mama Lionheart

My dearest Holly,

From the moment that I met you, it was obvious that you danced to the beat of your own drum. You were the first friend that I made when I transferred to public school in 3rd grade, nearly two and a half decades ago. I was the new kid that everyone else made fun of, but not you. You were quick to introduce yourself, and from then on, we were inseparable for the next few years. From almost weekly sleepovers and summer camping trips with your parents and brother, to coming up with silly routines and re-enacting the Doublemint gum commercial, we did it all. We were truly sisters in all ways but blood.

As we went through middle school and high school, we each made other friends, but you and I could still come back together and talk like normal. Well, for the most part. I remember a moment in Mrs. West’s English Language Arts 10 class when I realized that things had changed. You were talking to Andi about something, and while I didn’t catch or understand the whole conversation, I could tell that something serious had happened to you. You finally told me the story years later, and I was so sad that I wasn’t there for you at the time, but you had the people that you needed then. And while you went through some terrible things back then and had a hard time with it, you still persevered.

After high school, you went out and made your own way in the world. You moved to a couple of different states to try and find where you belonged while I stayed here and went to college as expected (you always joked that I was the smart one). We didn’t keep in touch as much during that time, but nearly every time you came back to town, we were able to make time for each other to catch up.

And then, it happened. You always thought that you were going to be the last one to tie the knot, but at the ripe old age of 21, you came home and told me that you were getting married. We were driving around when you told me. You said you weren’t sure if I would be able to make it there (you were living a few states away and the ceremony would be there), but I reassured you that I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You asked me to be a bridesmaid, and I wholeheartedly accepted. You were so happy, and I was so happy for you.

Your life changed even more after the wedding. You came back to visit a few months later, while you were about five and a half months pregnant. You had the cutest baby belly. I remember my mom asking if you were cleared to travel. Since you were still pretty early in your pregnancy, of course it was fine. You didn’t know that you would be going into preterm labor almost as soon as you got home.

I don’t know how you did it, all those months with Steven in the NICU. You were so strong. For yourself, for your husband, for your daughter from another biological mother, and for your precious son. It was about three months before he was able to come home and you could all be a family together.

It wasn’t too long before you called me and told me that I was going to be an aunt again. Another boy! And this time, you were able to carry to full term. Precious Lewis. Unfortunately, life decided to test your strength again way too soon. You noticed that your beautiful newborn was turning blue while eating. The diagnosis was hypoplastic aorta and a hole in his heart. You gave him the nickname “Lionheart.” Lewis the Lionheart. Surgeries to correct the problems were unsuccessful. His heart would not relax and proved to be too strong for his body at the end of his seven-week life.

Your strength did not waver in these times. You were devastated and never the same after, but you carried on. You had a beautiful rainbow baby girl and another sweet baby boy and you loved your family so fiercely.

On September 10, 2018, you laid down for a nap, feeling unwell with chest pains, and your heart stopped. Your strength proved to be too much for your own heart.

You always said that I was the smart one, but, my dearest Holly, you were always the brave one.

You are so loved and so missed. Always.