'To All the Boys I Loved Before' (Hood Version)

The first man you should ever love is your father. Well mines was never around, he was always in and out of jail. I never really got much love from my mother. She never taught me how to do anything, never tells me she loves me and never supports me. I tried to find it in another person. The first guy I ever loved was my baby daddy. His name was Marcus. He was light skinned, tall and stubborn. He lived with his grandmother, but she passed and he had nowhere else to go. His mother was far far away, she had some money problems, and couldn't get to him soon enough.

The next step was to let him stay with us until his mother came. I was in seventh grade at the time and he was a ninth grader. He stayed until I was in tenth grade. Keep that in my mind. While he was living with us, I was bonding with him a lot. We loved playing the game together, we'd give each other massages and well... Just do dumb stuff around the house with his sister. We had a good relationship. We were so close.

He wasn't all that good of a person though and I can admit I wasn't either. He was good at hurting my feelings. Things that I'd tell him that were confidential and supposed to be a secret, he had blabbered it to other people. Man was I embarrassed. Smh. Then he'd put his hands on me, I wasn't going out like no punk either. I'd hit him back and if he kept hitting me I'd keep hitting him. I got time... He was just so rude, manipulative and a whole lot more. Guess what I did though? I kept messing with him even though I should've left him alone. I even had sex with him even though he was in a relationship. How stupid of me. I was the other chick and looking back at it I feel pretty darn stupid. Why would I do that? You won't guess what else I did. I got pregnant by him. I had a beautiful baby girl, but I was too young. I was 16 in tenth grade, still in school. I was so scared of what everybody would think I hid my pregnancy for five months.

"FIVE MONTHS???"

I bet you all gasped and said, but yes I know. I've made some pretty wacky decisions.

My mom thought something was wrong with me when she realized I wore hoodies 24/7 in the house. She was so disappointed, but it was nothing new really since I've always been a disappointment to her.

Anyway, she hated his guts and she hated him ever since we found out he got another girl pregnant. She had a miscarriage and that's horrible. Out of my entire pregnancy though he never checked up on me, got me food, or talked about this. Once I found out I was pregnant I told him and he said "Well, I'm too young to have a child." And that was the end of the discussion. Such a jerk. My words to you is, "Thanks for bringing our beautiful child into this world but why treat me or any girl like that? Why'd you hurt me so bad?"

Next guy... (Story continues into all the boys I've loved before Pt. 2)