Tinder Date 2020

“Tinder Date: Pandemic 2020” (the small black notebook dance)

by Anthony Dwight Peebles

It started like any date in a pandemic. It was wack as fuck. Solemn as fuck. Food good as fuck. When I returned from France last July, I felt super alone. The weirdest part about that "feeling" was I wasn’t alone in that sentiment. The whole "mf" world was with me. I’m from the United States, but I never like being in the USA; in ‘Merica. The whole fucking world is on fire, and I know it because I feel the heat. When I drove through the streets in a Lyft, in Chicago, after France, my eyes were stuck on all the businesses closed, wood panels “protecting” the commodified windows, of the shops. The absence of people, the idea of being afraid to be BLACK in my city, in my country, again. All I could see was the fire. The flames that exploded after George Floyd, after another BLACK MAN MURDERED ON MY MUTHA-FUCKING PHONE!!!!

I can Breathe,

and I am TIRED.

I remember being TIRED, when I had to see my mom outside, both with masks on, 6 feet apart. I couldn’t hug her.

But I could go on a date.

So, someone recently said to me that Gays/Queer folks have been dealing with viruses for years, we’ll survive this Corona thing. Something in that statement hit me, and I decided to meet “ANDRE” from Cambodia, mixed, Black and Cambodian fine ass ANDRE. He was hella cute, and when we spoke on the phone I thought, wow, he’s not dumb. Let’s be honest, dating these days means dealing with dumb men. Especially, if they are 27 and under, I’m sorry it just feels like these niggas are hella babies and I ain’t nobodies mama. I digress. BUT, I'M NO MAN'S MOTHER. GIRL!

Insert: ANDRE.

We meet at this quaint outdoor restaurant, I can’t remember the name, but it was a beautiful outdoor setting. It felt like I was in Tunisia, and I’ve never been there. I guess it felt like I think Tunisia would be. It was beautiful, there was sand, as if we were at a beach and we looked great together. I loved the time I had there. The guy was mehh, but the food was amazing. I love a fab, curated, and "on purpose" atmosphere. I live for really enjoy good food. One thing I’ve learned in this pandemic is I like to eat and drink, smoke and think. And right now, I’m thinking it’s time to leave.

Okay, so peep this. The most amazing thing ever is as I waited for my Uber, I dropped my cigarette. Now, I never pick anything up from the ground, especially not a cigarette, but it was my last, so you know. I reached down to grab my stogie and bam, there it is, this beautiful small black notebook. It was like I was possessed, I quickly grabbed the small black notebook, then my cig. I smoked three cigarettes reading the prose from this Anais Nin type of writer, it was like she was a flower, blossoming right in front of my eyes. What an amazing scope of reason and desire, a dream of something beyond this now, but reachable. She, JCLYN FNCY, she doesn’t like vowels in her name, she wrote some of the most amazing ideas that I’ve ever read.

I exit the Uber in a trance, notebook in hand, “THANKS,” I hear myself say as key opens door, bed holds body, eyes read from a small black notebook. I wake up many mornings reading what JCLYN FNCY wrote, and I asked the wind why she used Y, but I guess vowels are “sometimes Y.” (Why did I just sing that out loud?) Anyway, so the best part of the story is to come. How did I come to fall in love with JCLYN FNCY? Well, here we go.

So, I carried this small black notebook everywhere I went. To the restaurants when they were open, read it to my mom on Instagram chat, and had a whole-ass dance session with recordings that I did from JCLYN FNCY writing on ZOOM. It was this night my whole ass life changed.

So, for some reason I thought it a good idea to use the small black notebook in my dance. As I’m doing this Phoenix from the flames thang, all this money falls from this little pocket that I never saw before, I screamed ”I AIN’T NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE!!” It was like leafs falling in AUTUMN, or more approatiately, 'FALL!" Money danced on the sky and my eyes danced with each $100 bill that littered my naked feet. Something about Black feet covered in money is fairly REVOLUTIONARY. Like this is my shit!! I can get this used this type shit. $20,000 in all, I’ve counted it 20,000 times!!! Did you hear me? Not like on them shows where they say “100,000” Grand Prize, but after the taxes and shit, it’s 2 packs of Newports and a Savory Crepe. I just like adding the crepe, like it’s something right? LOL

02.3.2021

So, I’m writing this in Johanessburg, SA., where I paid a $10, 000 USD deposit on a 2-story loft that I NOW OWN!!! I'm in Maboneng district in what we call Shipping Containers, but quite fabulous this "shipping container" is for me. I always think about that Tinder date, and that last cigarette, and of course the small black notebook with the most fabulous words from JCLYN FNCY, she said… -

“Do not fear living, for the idea of this bad idea is futile. What are you going to do? Sit, and wait to die? What kind of fool is that? Never mind, Let’s imagine the child who LIVES! What a Brave and innocent soul. I want to hear stories from this courageous soul. How did you survive? How did you live? What is your secret dear friend? I want to know these things.”