Occasionally I would see a student eating alone in the cafeteria.
Most of them are holding chopsticks in one hand and a cell phone in the other, desperately pressing and pressing, as if they are really talking to someone very important. At the same time the mouth kept eating very wolfishly, and then left quickly as if the buttocks were on fire, the whole process looks like an anxious monkey.
I talked to my friend friend about this phenomenon, my friend said, "How awkward it is to eat alone, haven't you heard the saying? 'Lonely people are shameful'."
I said; "I was also quite afraid to eat alone, but now I think I enjoy eating alone."
My friend laughed at me, "like you such a bad character, friends to be together to deepen the relationship, eat together, sing together ...... especially college classmates, should take advantage of the good relationship with everyone, the future may be able to help or something."
Just as he said, many friends will spend a lot of time on their friends, eating together, watching movies together, playing games together, how to how. People seem to start to fear the shame of exposing their loneliness to people
They seem to spend their time where it's worth it, and they do seem to be "well liked", "popular", or "not alone".
What about those who don't spend their time on how to make relationships and remain alone?
Have they really become "shameful", as their friends say?
Many Chinese students, on their first day at a foreign university, instead of greeting their professors or local students, they sit on their asses in the pile of our own countrymen with black hair and yellow skin. The result is that after a few years of study, they speak Chinese better than before.
Contrary to them, there is a small group of Chinese students who are often alone and usually communicate with foreigners from different countries. The students who gathered together always ostracized them, saying behind their backs that they were "arrogant" and "don't get along".
It seems that these rumors have no effect on the latter, who still walk through the campus with a few books in their hands and their heads held high. Even when eating alone, they look very, very comfortable, without the slightest look of embarrassment and nervousness.
In contrast to the former who started complaining to each other about what they could not yet do when the exams came, the latter always looked a breeze and relaxed. Naturally the final results came out, the former mostly hovered above and below the "friend friend", while the latter often scored very well.
After we made friends, their talk and literacy let me know that it is definitely not because they "low emotional intelligence", or "personality problems", so that they look "alone "They were not alone.
When teaching the secret of high scores, they said, "I just make the best use of the time they use to go to the library to read books and talk as a result", "It's too much time to wait for someone, and I hate waiting." Others have told me, "I have nothing to talk to them about."
When the circle they once had no longer helped them grow and would not have any positive effect on their progress, they resolutely gave up on it, abandoned those people, and actively chose to be alone.
And such loneliness is really not shameful at all.
How many of us have willingly given up our own time for so-called "friends"?
When we wanted to do something, we were told by our friends, "Oh, what do you want to do, there's time anyway", "Go out with everyone, it's a group activity", "You don't want to go? Why are you so out of touch?"
Most of the time, we have to choose to compromise.
In fact, the "herd mentality" is very scary, we do not want to become the "alien" in the group, the "misfits" people.
But ask yourself: do you really have the determination to achieve a certain goal?
Do you really have the awareness to give up something for it?
Once we start working hard to have something, or to be something, it means that we have to give up our comfort, our stable lifestyle, something that we had - maybe the opportunity to deepen our friendship with friends, or maybe, your friends.
And the loneliness that follows can hit us twice.
But you have to know that one can never move forward without giving up something.
My best friend is the only one of the six sisters in their college dormitory who has been preparing for the exam since her freshman year.
The other five girls were lying in bed playing with their cell phones and watching Korean dramas while she gnawed on English and higher mathematics every day. The other five girls were lying in bed playing with their mobile phones and watching Korean dramas. Every weekend, several people had agreed to go out for a dinner together, while the girlfriends were unable to participate because of various school activities. The first time, we always complained about it, but later refused to do more than this kind of dinner, even some other group activities, the other five girls simply do not call her, one day, the girlfriend was very aggrieved to call me, said they built a group behind her back, before the relationship seems to be very good roommates, sometimes even face to face her to talk about the wind.
The girlfriends were ostracized.
But what made me proud was that she never wavered in her determination.
To encourage her, I told her the story of how I prepared for IELTS. At that time, I went to study alone every night in the gloomy college building. The only thing that kept me company every night was the sound of the wind howling outside the window and the ragged newspaper blowing in the classroom from the cold wind pouring in through the door.
During that time, my mind was almost full of various fixed with various English words and a collection of horror stories that filled my brain at night. At that time, the girls in the dorm always laughed at me, they knew I was afraid of the dark, they simply did not understand why a person so afraid of the dark would last so long, they said I was too self-abusive, in fact, there is no need to be so desperate.
They ate snacks while opening the B site to watch anime, from time to time burst out a burst of laughter. I never retorted, just quietly continued to hold the book and left the dorm. I don't know if they are really as happy as they appear to be, but I just know that the solitude I am experiencing is more meaningful to me than the so-called "fitting in".
I still remember that when I found out my final grade, they kept chasing me and asking me how to do it. I didn't know what to say, so I finally told them, "I think it's harder to endure loneliness than to work hard."
Loneliness is not a shame.
What is shameful is pretending to fit in, being in the midst of a noisy crowd, but not being able to hear the voice of your heart and laughing wearily.
The weak are used to gathering in groups, and the strong will always walk alone.
The "people" in the mouth of friends is indeed very important.
But compared with the power of others to move forward, I think it is more important to really improve themselves, to become a strong, confident people, a person who does not have to deliberately depend on others, but can make others depend on people, even if they are alone, but also like a thousand horses.
I always believe that if you give much, life will definitely return to you in some way.
So, before solitude chooses you, take the initiative to choose solitude.
Don't worry about the long and hopeless loneliness, because you will always meet people who are as strong as you, who will join your journey and walk with you side by side.
Together, you will become a better person.