Three is Complicated

Have you ever felt like you were in love with more than one person at the same time? I have. I'm not sure if it was love though, or more lust. Most likely lust seeing how it all unfolded later down the road. I've been told you can only love one person, but I'm not sure that's true, either. I honestly don't think I've ever actually felt love except for my dogs, the rest is lust maybe. Either way, all I know for sure is I have an exceptionally high need for men in my life and sex, a lot of sex.

I met my now husband when I was twenty, almost twenty-one. He had posted a photo on social media of his car, and I just had to respond. The car was beautiful; a silver Dodge Neon SRT-4, lowered on purple wheels and a massive inter cooler in the front bumper. My love for cars made me reply with a photo of my own car and told him we needed to get together and take pictures and hang out. He responded with an absolutely, and I made plans with him to go that weekend downtown and take some pictures.

Behind the scenes, though, I was just moving back to my parents house after leaving my boyfriend at the time and we hadn't quite broke up yet. I mean, we were in the process, but I honestly don't recall actually breaking up. One minute we were moving out of an apartment we had shared and the next I was hanging out with a new guy because I liked his car. This is just how I am. I had never been able to stay loyal to a guy no matter what they did for me or how good they were. I always just had more drive than they did and always found missing links elsewhere.

One night, as I was packing the last few boxes of random things at the apartment, I messaged this new guy and asked what he was doing. He replied he was at home and just hanging out, so I pretty much invited myself and my dog to his house. I asked if he had a garage because it looked like a storm was coming in and hail could be a factor. He said he did, but it was a one car garage and his car was already in the garage. I told him my car was small, so we could see if it would fit, and he sent me a reply laughing at how stupid he must have thought I was.

I got to his house and we tried to fit the car in with his, but he wasn't lying when he said it wouldn't fit. We went in the house and he showed me his pit bull, and we introduced her to my dog and they instantly hit it off, running through the house like they had known each other their whole lives. We sat on the couch after putting the dogs out in the backyard, and just watched TV. Being super shy, I giggled at all the stupid things he said, and was shocked when I left his house and nothing had happened. I was so used to guys trying to get in my panties the first time we met that this was totally different for me and I liked it. I accepted the challenge of making him fall for me and see how long it would take to get him. This was my favorite game to play. I'd start off with hard to get, feed the guy a bunch of things he wanted to hear, never tell them my real body count, and they would fall head over heels and I'd never feel a thing.I guess that's the downside to being bipolar with a personality disorder and having issues with feelings.

After about a week he asked me to be his girlfriend and after about a month we finally had sex. We were at his moms house in his room and we had just gotten our clothes off, he climbed on top of me, and we got in to it when my dog busted through his bedroom door. We jumped up, covering everything we could with a blanket and trying our best to act normal thinking it was his mom coming though the door. After we realized it was my dog we got back to it. After almost a year of dating, we were in a good place. I lived with him and his mom at her house with our two dogs. Life was going good. I had a stable boyfriend. my ex and I were still talking, and little did I know, but I was about to meet another man.

A guy I had messed around with when I was with my ex messaged me one day. He did the usual "What's up?" type of message, so I responded. He invited my boyfriend and I to a car meet at Twin Peaks so I talked my boyfriend in to going. We got to the restaurant and my friend introduced us to everyone already there. That's when my eye caught a tall, skinny, brown haired guy staring at me. I politely smiled and he nodded at me then turned his attention back to some other guys sitting at the table. After everyone ate their meals and said our goodbyes, they noticed my car and had to take a look. It was a red 1992 Toyota MR2, and there wasn't many around, especially not a half way decent looking one. I enjoyed the attention I attracted with my car.

The guy who stared me down ended up finding me on Facebook and adding me, and we messaged back and forth for a while. We would hang out together on occasion, and the spark between us became more and more noticeable to people around us. At first, I didn't think much of it. I was doing my own thing, in a relationship, and was in a good place in life. I didn't think things would really go any further than just a few messages here and there and him visiting my work.

One morning I was on my way to work and a motorcycle was driving beside me on the highway. The roads were damp with morning mist, so I was being careful since it was cold as well. Before I even realized it, the motorcycle was coming in to my lane and I jerked the wheel over to avoid him hitting the car. I must have jerked too hard or something, because my car went spinning down the highway out of control right in to the cement wall. The car was totaled and I had nothing to drive. My boyfriend let me start driving the neon and I was absolutely head over heels in love with the car.

The guy who stared at me in Twin Peaks had become a more predominant person in my life, someone I turned to when things were bad. He helped tow my car to my parents house and that's when my mom met him for the first time and knew right then there was something between the two of us. She didn't know how my boyfriend couldn't see it. I didn't know how he missed it, either, because I was catching serious feelings for him at this point.

One day, I said I was going to go check up on some dogs I was pup-sitting. I mean, it was the truth, but I was just making a stop afterwards to meet up with Twin Peaks boy. We met in the parking lot of Walmart and I hopped in his truck and he drove us out to the middle of no where. We ended up having sex in his truck, then he drove me back to my car. I went on with life as normal. He was still my best friend, we still talked back and forth, but we didn't hook up again. Which, in the long run, I guess that was the issue.

Several weeks went by, and I found out I was pregnant. I was excited because I wanted to be pregnant so much. The scary part was I wasn't sure who's baby it was. About four weeks in we went in for an ultrasound and it turned in to seeing a miscarriage happening. I was devastated.

Two weeks after that Twin Peaks boy started texting me randomly about our hook up. I told him what he wanted to hear and then my boyfriend called me. He asked what I was up to and said he was on his way home. He didn't say why, just said he was leaving work which was odd for him. I deleted all my text messages just in case he wanted to look at my phone for any reason and I went back to watching TV.

He walked through the door and instantly told me to pack my things. I followed him around the house trying to figure out why and he asked for my phone so I handed it to him. He asked why I deleted my messages with Twin Peaks boy and I said I hadn't. He pulled his phone out and showed me their conversation including my messages to him. I was so mad at him and myself that I couldn't even think of anything to say. I told him to give the phone back and I would call my mom, but he called her for me and told her everything.

And that's how my now husband found out I cheated on him.