This was Perfect

Dating is hard. I will admit it, especially after being with someone else for so long. There are specific rules you follow when dating. Such as:

don't text him too much, don't text him too little, wait three days before calling, say intelligent things, don't say stupid things, don't be negative, don't be weird too early, or he will run...these are all silly rules that I don't like following. Yet, I still try my best to do them, and I think many people do. Online dating is a whole different game because you meet with a stranger, but if it goes well, you get nervous that you will screw it up. The problem I have is texting way too much; I just don't know when to stop, and then the next thing I know, I am digging myself a grave, and I am stuck in this hole, and no one wants to help me out of it. Then, you sit there wondering, "where did I do go wrong?" maybe the answer is that he just is not into you, or perhaps the answer is that you felt a strong connection and he just didn't. I was reading a science article the other day where it said it takes a man 88 days to say the "L" word to their significant other, and for women, it takes twice as long. 48% of men fall in love at first sight. Given these statistics, I think I am meant to be a man...I never believed in love at first sight. I thought it only happened in films and television shows. That was until I met him...it was literally like something from a movie.

I stood there looking at people's faces hoping to see him among the crowds, then I saw someone that could have been him. I could see him fixing his collar as he approached the sign that read "meeting spot." There was just one problem this man was better looking than any profile picture that I have seen, so there was no way it could have been him, but then he smiled at me, and something changed, the butterflies in my stomach had turned into a zoo. My heartbeat stopped, and it was only for a minute, and something in my brain said "click" because I would remember this moment for the rest of my life.

"Hi, I am John. It's great to finally meet you in person," he said in a steady, easy-going voice.

Words. What are words? Oh no, did I forget how to speak? No. No. He's just another guy. Say hi.

"Hi, I am Mara," I said. My words tumbled out quickly and shakey. He's going to think I am stupid.

"Great, where do you want to go?" he asked me.

"Well, I was thinking to stop by the cart and get some coffee," I responded, and again I stuttered over my words.

"That sounds good. You have any recommendations?" John asked me, and as we walked, I noticed just how tall he was.

"Sadly, they only have the one kind of coffee, but it's truly the best," I told him. Truly the best...that sounded so stupid. No one talks like that.

"Well, if it is truly the best, then I must try it, believe it or not, I have been to this park so many times, I just never thought to stop by and get coffee," he said with a charming laugh.

I reach for my wallet, and so did he. We both looked at each other.

"Do you want to split it?" he asked quickly. Split? The dating advice website never mentioned splitting? Although, on the last date, I split the bill and I never saw him again...maybe it was a sign...plus my ex...I had to pay for everything.

"Would you mind getting this one?" I asked him.

"Yeah, for sure," he said. Okay, he has not left yet, so I guess that's a good sign.

We continued walking along the Seawalk, he told me about his family, and I shared stories about mine. We exchanged conversation until the sky got dark. The park started to clear out, and we both headed back to the parking lot.

"Listen, it was nice to meet you," he said. Wait? Nice to meet me? I did not think the date went that bad? Isn't that what you say after a wrong date? It was mentioned in "Friends" and other television shows. It was probably because I did not split the bill. "I want to kiss you," he finally said.

"Sorry, I think that's a third date kind of a thing, but today I am feeling rebellious," I said, and he leaned in, I met him the rest of the way, and I could hear him breathing heavily as our lips finally met, he continued to kiss me, and I did not want him to pull away from me.

"Good night," he said, and he kissed me once more, and he headed in the direction of his parked car. I swallowed hard. No one can kiss like that and have it not mean anything. I got into my car, and I turned up the music. Why did all of that feel so real? There was a click that happened between us, and I thought it; thinking about that kiss made chills crawl up my spine, and that happy butterfly feeling crept back.

However, then comes the worst part of me...the insecurities...feeling so insecure about everything. I wrote a few flirty texts, so John knew I was into him. Then, we met once more and once more after that. The business trip is where I got weird and messed it all up. One night a few co-workers and I went to the bar, and we had a few drinks...okay... so a few is an understatement. I had three glasses of merlot, which I drank in thirty minutes. Then, I proceeded to text him...yup. I am never the kind of person to do that, but I had my phone out...I gave him a good laugh as I had not sent anything too embarrassing, but I was planning on it and planning on it hard. And then, I told him, that's where things went haywire that it was the making of an evil genius about this plan. Then, I think I actually offended him. Tried to apologize, and those texts got sent from my phone and went ignored...now I have done it. Ghosted. It sucks; it is even worse than being told, "Sorry, I am not feeling this anymore" or "Sorry, I think you're a lunatic. K bye." Damn, those dates, though, will be forever burned in my mind. It was easy fun, and I was finally treated like a woman should be, but our insecurities always tend to win, so maybe it is best to move on? or do we continue to send texts and messages to the individual and look desperate?