This Strange Feeling

Where do I begin with our story? Thinking about it now, would I even be able to call it our story? Yes. Though I haven't met you in person yet, I can guarantee that our paths were meant to cross. Were our fates simply woven together by the universe? I am not certain as to how two complete strangers could make the kind of connection we have made. We decided that meeting first, in person, would define the possibility of even starting a relationship with one another. Believe me, I would have said yes to be yours when we confessed our feelings, but there was this fear in me. A fear that I could never be good enough for you. I had some self-loving I had to take care of first if I was going to love you. I'm doing better now with it, but it cannot break the current distance between us. I cannot physically be with you at this point in my life. Though I would have loved to be the one to hold your hand, be the one you felt comfortable enough with to share about how you're really feeling; to be the one to wipe away your tears and to hold onto you forever. All of the cute scenarios you told me about us potentially being together gave me hope that I would be able to call you mine one day. However, this hope has been slightly damaged knowing the fact that you are currently seeing someone who has the advantage of being in closer proximity to you. I just want you to be happy, even if it cannot be with me. I'm trying to let you go, but not totally. I cannot easily forget you and to be fair, I don't want to. I know we have both fell in love with the idea of each other, and I'm certain that meeting in person would be able to define if this is true. I love you; and that is something I'm certain about. You are constantly on my mind, although I have also decided to move on for the time being. I do want to thank you for continuing to communicate with me. Hearing you tell me, over a phone call, that you didn't want to lose me meant the world to me. I know you care about me, you've told me. I know you love me, you've told me that too. This minor event in our story doesn't have to mean it's completely the end, you've reminded me of that when I brought it up with you. This does not mean that I'm going to wait for you and always be there. I'll know when and if this can't happen, and I'll have to move on. Please don't worry about me.

This was one of my favourite songs before meeting you, virtually. Finally I had someone to pin this song to, and one day I hope I would be able to get the chance to listen to it with you; while you hold me in your arms. Never wanting to let go of that moment. That moment I have envisioned so many times when you cross my mind throughout the day. You're a wonderful dream that I want to come true. But what if you're too good to be true? I know that thought has crossed your mind as well. You've been hurt and left broken to pick up your own pieces. Well I'm here; wanting to help you, wanting to love you, and wanting to show you how you should've been loved in the first place. I used to think loving someone was a stupid concept, until you entered my life. You've opened a vault of feelings inside of me, which contained that unconditional, romantic love for another person that I never knew would exist in my life. You are the first one I've come to realize that I love. Thank you for this strange yet remarkable feeling.

I've decided that I will keep that hope alive. The hope that one day we'll meet, and hopefully decide to start a journey with one another. It could happen, because life is a weird and strange mess. No matter how strange and weird and stupid it can be, I would like to venture on it with you by my side.

I love you. Truly.