They Cheated. How are YOU going to fix it?

In introduction, it up to you to determine what betrayal in what relationship you deem worthy to save. There comes a time when the damage is too severe to repair. This is for those who have a realistic hope to forge a healthy relationship.

The heart sickening part to realize when the person you love cheats, is that you aren’t meeting their needs. As utterly destroyed and enraged you feel, you’re the one who has to step up to the plate. It’s YOU who has to change, if you want to mend your relationship.

“Why the hell do I need to be the one to fix things? I’m the hurt one- not them!”

Is that what you thought after reading that? I know you did. That’s human nature. That’s pain. It’s consuming. It completely blocks your ability to feel for the other person and seek to understand their hurt. You can’t even imagine wanting to do so. They should be soul searching and begging, right? That’s how pain obscures our sight.

In reality, if the person is truly remorseful and loves you, their gut wrenching betrayal didn’t happen out of no where. It was a painful slide into a dark place out of the comfort, peace and fulfillment of your love. If they truly are fighting to be with you, you can tell. At this juncture is when you have to decide to rip away your veil of self, look past your own hurt, and find theirs. This in no way means they are not in the wrong. They are. They know it, and they’ll be refining themselves to keep you. They’re already afraid you’re leaving.

You have to look at YOURSELF.

If you’ve ever been on both ends, you know it’s excruciating in your own heart to betray who you love. It’s like ripping your own heart out. You’re left feeling worthless, unworthy and lost as to what you have become..Wondering Where did it all go wrong. Imagine looking at the one you love and telling them you cheated. It makes you sick to think of watching their heart drop in front of you- because of you.

When you love someone, and you feel them fading away, growing unhappy or disinterested etc, it becomes in your mind like you’re begging them to love you every day, and it’s not working. Why won’t they hear me?! Why don’t they care?! It’s like clawing up the side of a cliff with only your bare nails to hold on for dear life. Eventually, you’re in so much pain and desolation in your heart, you let go. You seek it elsewhere. This is how relationships blow up. Whether it ends or is renewed, is in CHOICE.

This is up to both people, to actively manifest in their thoughts daily. It’s not easy; be forewarned.

Here you go: we take people who love us for granted. We do not appreciate the people who choose to be in our lives. Especially those closest to us. Your significant other sees you at your absolute worst, meanest, ugliest self and Loves you still. They choose you every day. We take for granted that they’ll go to the store on the way home, cook dinner, pick up the kids, etc.

Here’s the big one: we forget they have a choice. We forget that every single day when they get in the car after work, they CHOOSE to drive home to YOU. This expectation turns into an understood mandate, and this is the flaw in us all. We forget to see that you have to Actively Choose them daily with equal appreciation that they are Actively Choosing us. Once you’re able to shift your vision past self, your heart is then able to abundantly love in a way you don’t understand in this moment.

Unconditionally.

Food, water, and air aren’t the only things one must have to survive. Love is as vital for survival as those basic necessities.