There Is No Excuse When It Comes To Having Sex With A Minor

What is the one thing we all miss dearly about childhood? The lack of responsibilities. I know I’d give anything to re-experience that feeling of sheer freedom and wonder.

When I was a kid, I was a trouble-maker. I lied about everything, ran away from home several times, and paraded around the shadiest areas of my city until sunset. Most of my friends were acting out in these ways, and I wanted to fit in.

No matter how many times my parents scolded me, I never believed that anything bad could actually happen. Children often act recklessly because they don’t understand the serious consequences of their actions.

They haven’t lived enough to know the evils of reality.

That’s not to excuse my poor behavior, but we can all agree, children are bound to make a lot of stupid and dangerous mistakes. This is how they (hopefully) learn and grow.

Recently, I’ve come across quite a few personal narratives from male writers on the internet concerning teens who masquerade as adults to get into parties, clubs, or bars. This is incredibly frequent and not new at all. It’s an example of something I or my friends may have tried to do when we were young, but it’s been happening since well before I ever hit the town.

It is the responsibility of the guard at the door to not allow children into an adult party where they could consume alcohol. However, these guards often don’t do their job or are usually drunk themselves. Or even worse, they benefit from letting minors in because they know that this will entice more men.

That’s why it is up to each adult at said events to not have sex with a minor. This is a responsibility that should be understood by all adults at all times.

One common situation that may arise in a child’s life is that they become romantically or sexually interested in an adult. As they are figuring out their bodies and attractions, it’s natural for them to aim it all at a trusted role model, or someone who reminds them of one.

When a child or teen forms a crush on an adult, they are either already aware or are told that acting on it would be illegal. However, even if their parents thoroughly explain it to them, they can’t fully comprehend the complexities of why it’s so wrong to pursue something with an older person.

They are certainly not going to ponder the unbalanced power dynamic and emotional repercussions that may come from a situation like this. Often they don’t recognize the age gap because they’re distracted by their emotions.

All they know is that it’s something they aren’t allowed to do. If you remember anything about being a child, you know that this sweetens the pot a little bit. When I was younger, if my parents forbade me from anything, whatever-it-was instantly became a lot more appealing.

Many television shows that target young teenagers rely heavily on inappropriate tropes such as teacher and student, boss and intern/employee, or simply a random adult and teenager (child). These taboo relationships are commonly portrayed as mysterious and sexy.

Media consumption can have an enormous impact on young people. As they lack the life experience to compare to fictional stories, the stereotypes usually end up shaping their ideas of love, sex, and relationships.

It doesn’t help that these harmful tropes are reinforced by social acceptance. While young women receive societal messages that tell them their value lies in sex appeal alone, young men receive social cues from their friends that “banging an older woman” is respectable and manly.

We can not expect children to make the right choices when it comes to sexuality, especially when there is a serious lack of comprehensive sexual education in schools. They are at the point in life when they have barely tapped into their emotional needs, and most don’t even have complete physical awareness.

I don’t dislike children, but I can confidently state that they have absolutely nothing to offer adults in terms of a relationship. They don’t have much in common with us.

That's not to say that young adults (like myself) are the picture of maturity and wisdom. I barely considered myself an actual adult until the age of twenty-five. Our brains technically aren’t fully developed until then.

Of course, long before I reached twenty-five, men who were much older would tell me I was “mature for my age”, “different” or my personal favorite, that I “have a great head on my shoulders.”

Looking back on these experiences, I realized they just wanted to use me. Our compatibility was either weak or completely non-existent. But because I craved that validation from someone older and wiser, I blindly went along with it.

The truth is, there was zero potential from the beginning. On some level, the men had to know this. I guess they didn’t care. I was an attractive young woman giving them the time of day, and the dating pool of women closer to their age most likely had higher standards than any of them could live up to.

Although I was technically an adult, I now find it disturbing that so many men over the age of thirty saw something in me (until they didn’t).

Ironically, these situationships all ended with the men telling me I was lacking in ways that contradicted everything they’d said to me during courtship. Thank goodness these wise men were there to tell me that I needed to “figure out my priorities”.

Back then, the words hurt because I thought it meant there was something wrong with me. But, no. I’m just in my twenties. I don’t have it all figured out, which is completely normal.

However, these older men chose to waste their precious time with me because of my youthful physicality. These occurrences led me to a harsh truth about our dating culture.

Many people in our society are so desperate for companionship or sexual gratification that they don’t necessarily care about who they spend their time with, as long as the person is physically attractive.

This is my theory as to why there are actual heated arguments all over the internet about placing the blame on “deviant” children when an adult engages in intercourse with a minor. These people set their standards so low thinking that there won’t be any consequences for it, but they are sorely mistaken.

Not only are they neglecting to take responsibility for how their actions could affect others, but they are forgetting a seriously important detail. If they don’t prioritize the legality of this sexual encounter, they could be criminally charged. And it wouldn’t be anyone else’s fault but their own.

Wouldn’t you want to make sure you’re not having sex with a child?

Nobody is perfect. Adults make questionable choices all the time. Sometimes we aren’t very thoughtful about our potential sexual partners.

However, If you are not aware of whether someone is an adult before you have sex with them, that is indisputably your fault. Nobody can accidentally have sex with a minor.

Just as much as it is an adult’s responsibility to make sure they are not spreading a sexually transmitted disease (which many still ignore), it is their responsibility to only have sex with people who are over the legal age.

A frequent response to this strangely controversial concept is that it is ridiculous to expect people to check someone’s ID before intercourse. It’s difficult for me to understand why this sounds unreasonable to people, seeing as they are the ones who could possibly be named a sexual predator if they’re not careful enough.

My position is not at all radical, but there are a lot of people, particularly men, who like to frame it as such. This is most likely because they feel they’ve been “tricked” by a young woman in the past and don’t want to take any accountability for the fact that they did not make sure she was of legal age.

Children are not adults. They do not even remotely think, speak or (contrary to the belief of men on the internet) look like adults. Even if they did, there are a lot of ways to make sure you do not have sex with one of them, especially nowadays with the amount of access we have to personal information on social media.

If you care enough about doing the right thing, you will not see a problem with asking for ID or just effectively vetting your potential partner. If you have even the slightest suspicion that someone is lying about their age, the best course of action is always to let them go.

I can’t believe this needs to be said, but it is just not worth the risk.

No matter what jargon you use, “underage people” or “minors” or “teenagers” are children. The media shouldn’t refer to a victim of statutory rape as a “young woman” to make everybody feel more comfortable reading about the act. None of us should be anywhere close to comfortable with accepting adult sexual relations with a child.

Normalizing these attractions is what makes men feel empowered to hold a “Countdown to 18” for actresses that will soon be legal, as Natalie Portman and the Olsen Twins had to deal with. This is repulsive behavior that leads to a widespread acceptance of the objectification of teenagers. As I said before, teenagers are still children.

Adults should absolutely know better. Children, not so much.

Even for those of you who have bare minimum standards for your sexual partners, one thing that should always be on the list is “over the age of 18.” Although, I highly encourage you all to aim higher for yourselves and add a few other things to check off.