I remember it all.
I remember when I lost you. When I felt you slip away from me. I remember when I first got you. When you leaned in, in the middle of the night, like a dream, like life had finally decided to let me win and give me someone as wonderful as you. I remember when I thought I'd secured you. When I thought you were finally mine. Our months of partnership. I had finally met my match. My heart had finally been won. My days of searching were finally through. I remember when we first kissed. When I told you after doing this, nothing would ever be the same. And you wanted to anyway. I wanted to anyway. And nothing was ever the same.
I remember when the season changed from hot to cold. From that electric summer of you and me to my lonely autumn. And then getting you back in the winter. The winter was my saving grace. And I know now. I know how I have you, but not the same as I used to. I know how I want to marry you but I'm too scared to even mention commitment to you. Because I don't want to chase you off. I don't want to scare you. I never want to lose you again. I never want to see you in anyone's arms but mine. You're the only one that's ever been a match to me. A balance to me. Bring me down when I'm too high, and hoist me up when I've fallen. You're more than I ever could have imagined.
I remember it all. I remember you, sweetheart. I remember the first afternoon I ever laid eyes on you. I remember the thump in my chest like someone had hit me when your eyes met with mine. I remember always thinking of you as special. I remember pushing my feelings for you down, down, down, until I hardly felt them around you. I remember thinking I'd rather just be your friend. I remember changing my mind about that. I remember regretting that I kissed you. I remember the first time I held your hand. I remember the first time I knew I loved you. I remember sitting in my car that hot July afternoon, making up my mind I was going to fight for you. I wasn't going to let you be a lost cause. I remember the night I thought I'd won the war. I remember the night the war knocked me down and almost killed me. I remember the night you called back for me, and the night I finally kissed you again. The night we were finally together again. And I remember the nights when compliments poured from your lips like your breath.
I remember last night, holding you in my arms as you ran your fingers through my hair. I remember you whispering to me that you thought I was amazing as you drifted off to sleep. I remember, just a few hours ago, hugging you tightly, and kissing you, before I walked out your front door. I remember walking to my car, feeling my spirits sink with each step I took. Each step, carrying me away from you. The nights I don't spend with you aren't worthwhile anymore. Moments without you are moments I spend wondering where you are and what you're doing... if maybe you're thinking about me. I remember walking down your driveway tonight. I remember stopping at my driver's side door and looking up at Orion, as I always do. And asking him, because maybe he knew, "why do I keep leaving the love of my life behind and driving away? Why do I always drive away? Why don't I stay?"
And I looked once more at your front door, and drove away.