The Woes of Going With the Flow

Don't have me floating down the river by myself looking stupid. Nobody has the time or emotions to be led astray for too long.

Today, going with the flow has become a popular phrase that people use when dating someone.

Let's say you've been on a few dates with each other. There is obviously some mutual interest, otherwise you wouldn't have made it this far.

But if your friend asks you about this new person you're dating, then you might give a common, yet very confusing response: "We're just going with the flow. You know, just seeing where things go."

Ok great. What does that mean?

For some reason, we can't actually say 'dating' because that would mean too much commitment. Heaven forbid anyone thinks that you're really interested in this person.

To say that you're going with the flow with someone is to keep it extremely casual as if saying that will keep anyone from actually catching any feelings.

People are so afraid of not having their feelings met with mutual enthusiasm that they no longer feel comfortable being real about what they want.

Keeping it vague and up in the air is supposed to keep you from getting hurt, but it only leads to confusion. You can't stop your feelings from developing. The more time you spend with someone you like, the more you will want to be with them.

Actions speak louder than words. No matter what someone says, if he chooses to spend a lot of time with me and takes time each day to text and call me, then I'm going to assume that he's interested in me.

If he kisses me, I'll assume he wants to be more than friends, because I don't kiss my friends. I'll take him holding my hand as a sign that we aren't just buddies. My takeaway from a great romantic date won't be that we're just chilling or hanging out.

We might not have had the exclusivity talk yet, but I'm someone important. Right?

It's so hard to tell these days. You could be having a great time with someone new and all of a sudden be hit with "But we're just friends…"

In our current dating climate, you could spend three or four nights a week with someone and yet, they tell you that they aren't ready for a relationship.

What do they think a relationship entails exactly?

Why is that such a scary word?

People act like relationships are so binding that if once they admit to being exclusive then they'll never be able to change their mind.

If you're into monogamy and you like someone, then you choose to spend time with them and get to know them. You both make sure that you're on the same page in terms of what commitment and exclusivity mean to you. If you're in agreement, then you decide to be with each other.

Then you see how you two do life together. If it doesn't work out or if you stop enjoying the time you spend with each other, then you end it. That's it. You move on.

Stop the madness. Stop the confusion. If you're not interested in monogamy and being committed to just one person, but you can clearly see that the other person is, then make your intentions known. Stop leading people on.

Relationships, no matter how you define them, are the best when both of you are in agreement about your situation. When one person wants more, then drama is created. Feelings get hurt. It's not fun.

Dating doesn't have to be a mind game. Honesty can hurt if you don't get the answer you want to hear, but the plus side is that you aren't left wondering.

You're not left trying to fill in a million blanks by yourself. You no longer have to try to decipher mixed signals.

If both people are upfront with their expectations from the beginning and during each stage of your relationship together, then a lot of time and heartache can be spared.

Don't allow yourself to drift along with the current of someone else's whims.

Date with purpose. Date with intention. Floating down the river with no clear goal is not the way to go.